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I am an NT with my lovely man who im 99.9% is aspergers - anyone else in my position

NAS63274
over 4 years ago

Hi there 

I have been with my man for nearly 4 years. when we frst got together i found it difficult and nearly threw it it, but a freind of mine suggested i read about aspergers as he has alot of traits. So i have read and read and because of this i can deal/help.He had a melt down this week as we went away camping. his motorbike broke down first and was relayed home then the van broke down then we couldnt get in the campsite because we had dogs  etc etc and so the week went on. last night he had a melt down, said the week was a disaster and so i went home. i called him this morning and hes not to bad so hes coming to see me thank goodness. has anyone else experienced this kind of thing with a partner ? 

Parents
  • over 4 years ago

    In my relationship, I'm the one having the meltdowns, but I'll do my best to share my perspective :) My partner is NT and pretty knowledgeable about autism - that's a huge help because it makes a difference to know that you have someone who understands and won't judge (it sounds like you're very understanding too). I think everyone feels different about their meltdowns and how they like to recover, so it might be worth asking him how he'd like you to respond when it happens (e.g. does he want space, or does he need someone to listen while he vents; is there something you could do to help him calm down)? 

    Prevention is good too. My partner bought me a weighted blanket, which really helps when I'm starting to feel anxious. You could discuss the warning signs of a meltdown and put strategies in place to either prevent it, or help him feel safe while it happens (e.g. by heading somewhere quiet). I get very chatty/hyper before a meltdown, so that's a warning sign for us. 

    I always worry about the impact of meltdowns on my partner - I'd never want to negatively impact him. It's important to keep communicating with one another - don't be afraid of letting him know (kindly) if his meltdowns worry you, or if he says things that are upsetting. Even though I can't help my meltdowns, I can still consider the people around me (e.g. when I'm feeling angry and shouty, I'm better getting some alone time than making anyone else feel upset or uncomfortable).

    Keep communicating with him and take care of yourself too. It sounds like you really care and that's what matters most.

Reply
  • over 4 years ago

    In my relationship, I'm the one having the meltdowns, but I'll do my best to share my perspective :) My partner is NT and pretty knowledgeable about autism - that's a huge help because it makes a difference to know that you have someone who understands and won't judge (it sounds like you're very understanding too). I think everyone feels different about their meltdowns and how they like to recover, so it might be worth asking him how he'd like you to respond when it happens (e.g. does he want space, or does he need someone to listen while he vents; is there something you could do to help him calm down)? 

    Prevention is good too. My partner bought me a weighted blanket, which really helps when I'm starting to feel anxious. You could discuss the warning signs of a meltdown and put strategies in place to either prevent it, or help him feel safe while it happens (e.g. by heading somewhere quiet). I get very chatty/hyper before a meltdown, so that's a warning sign for us. 

    I always worry about the impact of meltdowns on my partner - I'd never want to negatively impact him. It's important to keep communicating with one another - don't be afraid of letting him know (kindly) if his meltdowns worry you, or if he says things that are upsetting. Even though I can't help my meltdowns, I can still consider the people around me (e.g. when I'm feeling angry and shouty, I'm better getting some alone time than making anyone else feel upset or uncomfortable).

    Keep communicating with him and take care of yourself too. It sounds like you really care and that's what matters most.

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