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I am an NT with my lovely man who im 99.9% is aspergers - anyone else in my position

NAS63274
over 4 years ago

Hi there 

I have been with my man for nearly 4 years. when we frst got together i found it difficult and nearly threw it it, but a freind of mine suggested i read about aspergers as he has alot of traits. So i have read and read and because of this i can deal/help.He had a melt down this week as we went away camping. his motorbike broke down first and was relayed home then the van broke down then we couldnt get in the campsite because we had dogs  etc etc and so the week went on. last night he had a melt down, said the week was a disaster and so i went home. i called him this morning and hes not to bad so hes coming to see me thank goodness. has anyone else experienced this kind of thing with a partner ? 

Parents
  • over 4 years ago

    Hi, I'm not sure what advice I can offer but would like to try to be supportive as much as possible. I have Aspergers and can get stressed with difficult situations. I think it's very nice of you to try and be so helpful to him, reading about Aspergers and being so caring when he has meltdowns. I am asexual so I don't date or understand dating really, but I've met a really good friend in the past year who is super knowledgeable about Aspergers and has helped me a lot. I really appreciate her being patient with me when I'm stressed and understanding my way of thinking. It is really nice to have someone like that. It's possible that your boyfriend also similarly appreciates you and all you've done. 

    If you're having difficulties, it's possible to consider going to a specialist who is knowledgable about autism, who might be able to offer advice to NT/ASD couples relationship advice. You can also search on this forum and other forums, as similar questions have been posted by other NTs with an ASD partner, as well as Aspergers with an NT partner. However, you may need to choose and pick what kind of advice you take from reading those posts, since I often see lots of hot debates from either side. Sometimes NTs may together unfairly over criticise their ASD partners, and ASD people may also unfairly over criticise their NT partners. I don't think this type of fighting really solves anything and may exacerbate the situation. What is needed, really, is for both sides to understand each other's strengths and weaknesses. People with Aspergers don't want to have meltdowns, and it's not they intention to be troublesome, but they are really suffering when there is sensory or information overload. There are many people with Aspergers who may not be good at social communication, but they are really honest and genuine (sometimes may be seen as blunt) and won't lie or cheat. 

Reply
  • over 4 years ago

    Hi, I'm not sure what advice I can offer but would like to try to be supportive as much as possible. I have Aspergers and can get stressed with difficult situations. I think it's very nice of you to try and be so helpful to him, reading about Aspergers and being so caring when he has meltdowns. I am asexual so I don't date or understand dating really, but I've met a really good friend in the past year who is super knowledgeable about Aspergers and has helped me a lot. I really appreciate her being patient with me when I'm stressed and understanding my way of thinking. It is really nice to have someone like that. It's possible that your boyfriend also similarly appreciates you and all you've done. 

    If you're having difficulties, it's possible to consider going to a specialist who is knowledgable about autism, who might be able to offer advice to NT/ASD couples relationship advice. You can also search on this forum and other forums, as similar questions have been posted by other NTs with an ASD partner, as well as Aspergers with an NT partner. However, you may need to choose and pick what kind of advice you take from reading those posts, since I often see lots of hot debates from either side. Sometimes NTs may together unfairly over criticise their ASD partners, and ASD people may also unfairly over criticise their NT partners. I don't think this type of fighting really solves anything and may exacerbate the situation. What is needed, really, is for both sides to understand each other's strengths and weaknesses. People with Aspergers don't want to have meltdowns, and it's not they intention to be troublesome, but they are really suffering when there is sensory or information overload. There are many people with Aspergers who may not be good at social communication, but they are really honest and genuine (sometimes may be seen as blunt) and won't lie or cheat. 

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