Hi, noob here so please bear with me if I speak out of turn
I'm 51 years of age and male, over the last thirteen years I've become aware of the fact that I might be on the spectrum. A few years of denial followed by some more years of largely ignoring it. Did a couple of online tests during periods of emotional distress, one around 2012, another at the end of last year, both said there was a likelihood that I was ASD. Read up on the subject in more depth after the last test and found that things that have seemed odd all through my life make more sense from the perspective of ASD so went to my doctors. Got referred and was asked to fill in a more extensive multiple choice test, this has been reviewed and I'm apparently going to be assessed professionally so guessing the screening questionnaire suggests that I may be ASD but I'm still waiting for the appointment
I wasn't going to hit up any forums until I'd had confirmation from a professional assessment because a) I don't want to waste peoples' time and b) I might yet be assessed as not being ASD, however, since starting this process my head has been in an odd place and I just wondered if anyone else had gone through similar feelings so here goes:
I feel like the fundamental underpinning of who I am has been shaken. I notice things about my behaviour now that I hadn't done before. My head is mixed up between a new-found clarity of why I may act in certain ways and a feeling of no longer being the person I've always thought I was. I feel like I'm in limbo until I get assessed. I've been on this planet for 51 years and am a functioning member of society with a job, a partner, friends, yet I might have had a disability that impacts these things? I'm confused, is this common?
Also, my 'symptoms' seem worse when I'm under more stress, is this a thing?
hello and welcome! I am 40s, F, and recently diagnosed. I could largely have written your post a year ago!
LateDeveloper said:I feel like the fundamental underpinning of who I am has been shaken. I notice things about my behaviour now that I hadn't done before. My head is mixed up between a new-found clarity of why I may act in certain ways and a feeling of no longer being the person I've always thought I was
This section particularly resonated...in my mind i didn't struggle and life was simpler before I found out I had Apsergers. Now I notice things didn't and seem in some ways rather different and to struggle much more.
But I guess fundamentally I'm not different...maybe now I'm just the person I never knew I was before....
PS don't worry about posting here before diagnosis..there are quite a few others in a similar position and it is a great place for advice or to share experiences/worries
Thanks, it helps to know that - many things I've read whilst researching ASD support the possibility that I am and I've finally admitted that possibility to myself and my partner but that has made things harder for me mentally. Just feels weird, feeling I was 'normal' (ish! - always been a bit odd) all my life only to have that questioned at this point
I worked with people with various physical and mental disabilities in the late eighties, I've encountered people with autism in that setting, people who needed 24 hour assistance. Attitudes and knowledge were different in those days I guess, but it seems odd, even fraudulent, to consider myself to have a similar condition, albeit in a significantly milder form
It doesn't sound as though your diagnosis has made life any easier for you, but as you say, you're still the same person, just with greater self-awareness.. it's so confusing!