Understanding Partner who is high functioning autistic

Hi, if I can be of any help to shed some light please let me know... I’ve been married for 6 years (I’m high functioning) how my wife puts up with me I don’t know lol I’m blessed

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Hi!
Sometimes it’s just easier to ignore it all and pretend everything is ok to save hurting anyone’s feelings and to save our money and home. It’s an extremely difficult situation and feel your pain. 
If you ever need to talk give me a message!

hi there just reading your post and i can really sympathise with you as am in a similar situation but with no children.....its so very difficult to know what to do!! 

Hi KaylaShayla,

its been a while since you posted but if you’re still around we could talk.

We have recently discovered my partner has high functioning autism. It’s great he can chat on here too if he likes but I also would like to chat to partners of those with autism.

I have found it extremely difficult to live with him to the point recently I have been looking in to moving on and selling our home. It breaks my heart and I don’t want to give up everything I’ve worked so hard for but it’s impossible for us to enjoy time together and communicate. He doesn’t like doing anything so I find myself in tears a lot of the time wondering what it would be like to be in a loving relationship. There’s so much to it all and I’ve not spoken to anyone about. He is now getting angry/ resentful towards me as I start to speak about organising the house but he doesn’t understand how he’s making me feel.  

We have a 1 year old who I’ve learned has autism too so I have been through many emotions and I’m feeling very low just now.

Im also trying to understand like you but he is impossible most of the time. As you said he does not listen, I’m constantly telling him to listen. He is always talking over me in an argument so it’s impossible to speak without him interrupting.

Anyway if you’re still here we could chat.

I know I’ve spoken about myself a lot there and understand he will be feeling the same but it’s nice to talk to someone who may be in the same positron as you. 

Thank you both :-) 

I am an aspie married to an aspie. What Plastic says makes a lot of sense to me.

I would  try to calm down, both of you. Otherwise you can't communicate and misunderstandings and misinterpretations pile up and you get reactions to reactions to reactions and it all goes on a red herring chase.

Try just to agree to do something you both like doing, like watching a movie with a pizza and try to connect, south each-other.

There may be many things - is he under pressure from somewhere else?  Work issues?  He may be trying to vent his stress and you just happen to be the target because he feels he's in a safe space with you.  Saying nasty things he might really want to say to someone else - but can't because of social norms or risk of being fired.

Talking over you may just be he's stressed and feels his problems are bigger than yours.

Typical Aspies tend to get stressed by chaos around them - this may be anything that doesn't make sense or isn't logical - things like conflicting instructions at work, things not put away in a sensible (to us) order.  Things like mixing forks and spoons in the drawer - little things - but they just add a little more to the building stress of everything else.

As we get older, life and the universe gets more complex and more difficult for us to juggle all the uncertainties of life when we prefer facts and known outcomes.

Even social interactions are full of guessing the other person's true motives and double guessing topics of conversation - it gets very wearing..

There could be a million reasons he behaves like that.

What is happening in his life?

There is of course another option - he may just be not a nice person.

I feel as though he tries to lick holes in me and my past to try and differ away from his own issues.

he gets snappy with me and will tell me he doesn’t believe I love him. 

He also talks over me and doesn’t appear to listen ! 

Hi

I'm a middle aged married Asperger guy - what would you like to know?