ASD undiagnosed but suspected in myself

Hello everyone,

Straight into this, I’m needing a bit of help and advice. I e had mental health issues on and off for years, depression, anxiety, anorexia mixed in with a bit of OCD! Over the last year or so I’ve been having an identity crisis. Not knowing who I am and what I want. Pleasing others constantly and changing personality depending on the people I’m around. This has been getting me down and I’m currently seeing a counsellor long term through mind. After looking into my childhood and the problems I faced growing up I’ve stumbled across ASD and now everything seems to make sense! I asked my counsellor and he said it had crossed his mind but he can’t give a diagnosis because he isn’t a phychitrist. But he gave me his honest option, he said he’d worked with autistic children in the past. He said not to obsess about this but I just can’t help it! I’ve been called weird, alien and tom boy growing up and was bullied all the way through to college. I spoke to my mum and she said I used to hold my breath and have random tantrums where I’d scream and scream. I have memories of strange feelings which I recognise as panic and anxiety. I was too young to understand what these feelings were and was shy and dealt with all these things on my own. As an adult I’ve learnt how to socialise but it doesn’t come naturally. I need time on my own to recharge and find some environments overstimulating (lots of people talking, bright lights and loud and reparative sounds). I sometimes get this wrong and have been called blunt or rude. I don’t even mean to be like this. I want to interactive with people sometimes but don’t like small talk and love to talk about things I love (animals, computer games etc). Sometimes I don’t want to be around anyone. I have a real need for control in my life but my work and home life are chaotic and it’s really hard. I sometimes hyperfocus on playing computer games so it helps with my anxiety but this doesn’t fix the problems long term. I’m a female in my mid thirties and have had this feeling of being different all my life but I think I’ve hidden it so well that I didn’t know that I feel this way. I also have chronic pain, fibromyalgia type from my hypermobile joints. This only adds to my struggle to live like everyone else. Even doing chores is hard work, energy and motivation wise. I also get no support from anyone else regarding my suspicion that it may be autistic. Can anyone else relate?