Straight into this, I’m needing a bit of help and advice. I e had mental health issues on and off for years, depression, anxiety, anorexia mixed in with a bit of OCD! Over the last year or so I’ve been having an identity crisis. Not knowing who I am and what I want. Pleasing others constantly and changing personality depending on the people I’m around. This has been getting me down and I’m currently seeing a counsellor long term through mind. After looking into my childhood and the problems I faced growing up I’ve stumbled across ASD and now everything seems to make sense! I asked my counsellor and he said it had crossed his mind but he can’t give a diagnosis because he isn’t a phychitrist. But he gave me his honest option, he said he’d worked with autistic children in the past. He said not to obsess about this but I just can’t help it! I’ve been called weird, alien and tom boy growing up and was bullied all the way through to college. I spoke to my mum and she said I used to hold my breath and have random tantrums where I’d scream and scream. I have memories of strange feelings which I recognise as panic and anxiety. I was too young to understand what these feelings were and was shy and dealt with all these things on my own. As an adult I’ve learnt how to socialise but it doesn’t come naturally. I need time on my own to recharge and find some environments overstimulating (lots of people talking, bright lights and loud and reparative sounds). I sometimes get this wrong and have been called blunt or rude. I don’t even mean to be like this. I want to interactive with people sometimes but don’t like small talk and love to talk about things I love (animals, computer games etc). Sometimes I don’t want to be around anyone. I have a real need for control in my life but my work and home life are chaotic and it’s really hard. I sometimes hyperfocus on playing computer games so it helps with my anxiety but this doesn’t fix the problems long term. I’m a female in my mid thirties and have had this feeling of being different all my life but I think I’ve hidden it so well that I didn’t know that I feel this way. I also have chronic pain, fibromyalgia type from my hypermobile joints. This only adds to my struggle to live like everyone else. Even doing chores is hard work, energy and motivation wise. I also get no support from anyone else regarding my suspicion that it may be autistic. Can anyone else relate?
hello and welcome! I'm F,40s, not long diagnosed. Always a bit "odd" as a child, definitely a tomboy, never fitted in with girly girls. What started putting it altogether for me was an increase in sensory issues (sound, light, smell), but I do also have chronic pain from joints which makes life hard at times. Why don't you search out a few online tests/blogs etc about ASD? They helped me confirm in my mind whether to pursue diagnosis or not.
I can recommend https://musingsofanaspie.com/ as a good place to start. Lots of great blogs from a F point of view, and contains links to online tests as well
Thanks for the guidance. I’ve read a book called Aspergirls and relate a lot to what is said in there. I’ve also used the diagnosis test for high functioning adults used by the NHS that I think scored out of 46 and I scored 39. It said anything over 32 was usually a good indicator of ASD. I will continue to explore, like I said before this is my new obsession.
I have taken the Aspie Quiz and it says I’m very likely neurodiverse. I’d like to get a diagnosis for validation as most of my life I haven’t been taken seriously by GPs or family. I’ve been called a hypercondriac and been told regarding my pain that everyone is in pain and that I basically need to man up. Thankfully the physio has confirmed my suspicions regarding hyper mobility and the fibromyalgia pain that is there all the time associated with my muscles working harder in compensation of my joints. I’ve seen some studies saying there may be an association between autism and hypermobility (Ehlers Danlos syndrome). This to me supports my suspicions of being autistic. I just wish I had one person that would support me with a diagnosis. I would actually feel more at peace with myself and understand myself more. In my masking for years I truly have lost who I am.