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daugter only just diagnosed

kelzbelz

hi everyone,

i am new to all this as my daughter (aged 9) was only diagnosed with asd 2 weeks ago. although this was not a complete shock it is still sinking in for my husband and I. What a fight it is to get this far! I feel like we have only just begun our journey as a family and would apreciate any advice you have to give. we also have a daughter of 8 who is nt(only just found out what that means) and we are to expect our 3rd child in december. these are very stressfull times for us and if im honest i really dont know where to go from here or what to expect next. It breaks our hearts to see our 8 yr old growing up and spending time with friends knowing that our other daughter struggles so much but at the same time we are happy. Is it normal to feel this way? Also guilt ,and the feeling of being so alone and then feeling selfish for worrying about my own feelings not knowing how our daughter must feel. I hope that reading some of the discussions on here will help a little with all this

Parents

  • hi kelzbelz - the diagnosis can take some time to adapt to, even if you suspected beforehand.  My son's an adult now but the 2 most important things, in my opinion and in no particular order,  are getting the right educational environment for your child and always remembering that they are an individual 1st and foremost.  When my son was 1st diagnosed all I could see was the autism, but there was a little person there, with his own personality and as you adjust it's important to remember their personality and how autism affects it.  This will vary from individual to individual.  We were fortunate that we lived in an area where my son could be educated at a school for children with autism.  This helped him greatly.  He would not have managed in mainstream, even with support.  You need to know what is the best educational environment for your child, not just what is on offer.  It must be a difficult time for you all - a real mixture of emotions - a lot to adjust to.  Time helps all that - you can't rush your emotions.  The nas site is full of info which will be helpful to you so please have a good look! The discussion boards are also helpful in many ways.  Wish they'd been here when my son was growing up.  About being a happy family - please don't worry about being happy - there's no reason to feel guilty about that!  All your children will benefit from a happy family life.  Just do what you already do, which is doing the best for your children's needs and remember to look after yourselves as well.

    bw 

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  • hi kelzbelz - the diagnosis can take some time to adapt to, even if you suspected beforehand.  My son's an adult now but the 2 most important things, in my opinion and in no particular order,  are getting the right educational environment for your child and always remembering that they are an individual 1st and foremost.  When my son was 1st diagnosed all I could see was the autism, but there was a little person there, with his own personality and as you adjust it's important to remember their personality and how autism affects it.  This will vary from individual to individual.  We were fortunate that we lived in an area where my son could be educated at a school for children with autism.  This helped him greatly.  He would not have managed in mainstream, even with support.  You need to know what is the best educational environment for your child, not just what is on offer.  It must be a difficult time for you all - a real mixture of emotions - a lot to adjust to.  Time helps all that - you can't rush your emotions.  The nas site is full of info which will be helpful to you so please have a good look! The discussion boards are also helpful in many ways.  Wish they'd been here when my son was growing up.  About being a happy family - please don't worry about being happy - there's no reason to feel guilty about that!  All your children will benefit from a happy family life.  Just do what you already do, which is doing the best for your children's needs and remember to look after yourselves as well.

    bw 

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