Another newcomer

Hello everyone, I've been quite nervous about joining and then posting here, as I'm still uncertain about everything about autism! 

I've not yet sought a formal diagnosis, but firmly believe my youngest daughter (9), an older son (27), and my husband are autistic to varying degrees, and have come here looking for more information and, possibly, advice.  

From being very young, my daughter's always had meltdowns when asked/told to do something she doesn't want to do, walked and talked quite young (although so did all our other children - slowest to walk was just under 12 months), is often obsessive abut her interests (spending all her waking hours on them at times), and has great difficulty understanding others' feelings, although she can also be quite loving towards very close family.  When she wants to know something, or learn a new skill, she will NOT take help, but does things over and over, until she can do it - even though this often results in spectacular tantrums when she can't get it right first time (in her eyes).  She has many fidgety habits (although, as a child I was a terrible fidget, and exasperated my mum!), as does her slightly older brother. (about whom I'm starting to wonder, too).  Adult son has similar traits, but to a lesser extent, and his wife is thinking he's autistic, too.

I've always thought my husband's lack of empathy, drive, and obsession a product of his upbringing, but I'm increasingly thinking that's not the whole story.  He can often be totally self-absorbed, conversations around him, holiday destinations his choice, not understanding others' thoughts/feelings, not accepting others' experience as valid as his own...(but I do love him!)

Am I on the wrong track with hubby and my youngest, or is this worth pursuing? I've read such a lot over the last few months, and during recent studies at university, and spoken to people with autism in their families (themselves and relatives), but I'm not confident enough to take things any further.  I always feel that other people have worse problems, etc., but I'm coming from a place of bad MH history myself.

Thanks if you've managed to get to the end of my ramble! :) 

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