Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
I have been going through the diagnosis process for the past 10 months, after discovering things I have done since I was little were typically autistic. I struggle understanding face to face interaction and communication the most, however, I was told I am able to effectively mask my traits very effectively. I also have very specific interests and a number of repetitive behaviours which have become part of my routine, in addition to having a diversly colourful vocabulary. Two days ago, I attended the Autistic diagnosis centre in Stomarket for the whole day, for three consulations with a clinical psychologist, culminating with an Autistic diagnosis. Over the past 40 years, I was merely under the assumption I was a smidge eccentric, with a number of quirks that made me the bloke I am. It turns out I have learnt how to mask my tendancies as well as my female counterparts (this probably stems from having learnt to avoid being beaten up for being different to others), and there is a reason I am not like the majority of the people I interact with professionally. I was told I have been able to use my intellect to adopt a professional persona, enabling me to hold down a position of employment so I am able to be a functioning member of society. I would agree with that completely as I am a completely different person when in private (so my wife tells me). I used to work in poisitons in which involved a lot of interaction with the general public (I intentionally got jobs in environments I was uncomfortable as a form of exposure therapy), which took its toll both physically and emotionally over time, leading me to work in the education sector presently. Whilst working as a teaching assistant, suppporting teenagers who are have special educastional needs or difficulties, for the past five years, I have discovered my eccentricities were actually traits presented by a number of autistic individuals. I guess it is this personal revelation that led me down the path to be given a diagnosis. I do not think I would have sought after gaining this diagnosis, if it was not for the fantastic support my wife provides. I am extremely fortunate to have an understanding partner, who has put up with my quirks for almost 15 years. I have four daugters with my wife, who are also understanding when it comes to accepting me for who I am. Anyway, it is nice to meet you.
I hear what you're saying for sure. I was lucky enough (or unlucky in some respects) to have understanding parents who helped me adapt to the environments i found myself in (studying body language and facial expressions was my dads idea). It was my lack of understanding of friendships that led to a great deal of bullying by my peers, secondary school was far too violent for my liking, but I was not going to simply stand there and put up with the bullying at that point in my life (I essentially got in trouble for reacting badly and taking physical altercations too far). Nice to meet you!
I relate to this a lot. Luckily I didn't have to deal with 40 years- only 15. I did have to put up with some pretty nasty abuse from my parents thinking I was just being a naughty child, and a lot of isolation and bullying because my peers could sense I was different but never knew why. I have the classic nihilist approach with a personal phislosophy that if nothing matters I may as well try and make myself and others happy when I'm here. I suck at socialisation but I try hard and I think that's all that matters when trying to get through this. I suppose you could call me an optimistic cynicist.
Thank you for the welcome! I too studied Sociology (at degree level) to add to my knowledge on how to interact with the general public. Having studied body language and facial expressions at a young age, I was able to interact to some extent, this got better with age. Thank you for your response.
It is nice to meet you too. I can identify with a lot of what you say. I've always known I'm a bit quirky and different, and I chose work which forced me to develop interpersonal skills. I studied subjects like psychology, sociology and communication skills and got good enough at it to cope with jobs like social work, management and teaching roles.
All the masking came at a cost though, and I got diagnosed last year, at the age of 58. I'm female so autism was never suspected as a contributory factor to my teenage angst, post natal depression or lifelong anxiety problems. I am glad that I am getting to know myself better post diagnosis. I can make more informed choices about the work that I do and defend myself better against bullies, who seem to be irresistibly drawn to me.
Welcome to the forum. There are lots of lovely autistic people here.