Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I am a single mum with a 7 year old adopted son whom has just been diagnosed with Autism, demand and avoidance, sensory difficulties, learning dififculties and an attachment disorder. I also have a 3 year old daughter with no special needs.
Life is extremely volatile with my son in the house, we have a huge support network, professional and personal, we also have made several adaptions to the house to make life easier. Have implemented loads of strategies and changes for him.
Sadly it seems not to make a difference when he explodes and I am struggling to keep him and my daughter safe. There have been several times when he has caused injuries to us all. The professionals feel that he would need to be moved to a residential special needs school but I feel that getting an au pair to move into my house and I move into the lounge.
Does anyone else do this? My theory is that I will have a professional in the house to support me during the difficult hours and this should reduce risk. Its a very tricky option as I rent privately and have no job as my son doesn't cope with me working, which means I get universal credit. I have sent an application off for DLA in hope that this could lay towards the au pair but doubt I will get anything at all.
My questions:
How does it work with landlords?
How do I pay someone?
How does it work with benefits?
Is it the right choice for him?
This is very personal and I hate posting online but I need particle real advice and am hoping that someone on this has been in a similar position and may be able to share their experience/advice?
Hi I am the father of a very severely autistic son now aged 36.
Question 1. You are very kind to adopt an autistic child.
Your adopted son was born autistic,with all the problems you describe. That is his lot in Life.
You do not say if he is able to understand, or not, Language, or even comprehend, or not, language, it could be just undecipherable sounds to him. There are those that contribute to this website that seem articulate and understand the world around them, but your son seems to be perhaps less so and becomes frustrated at not being able to communicate, That's what being autistic is all about.
The fact that he is autistic would have been easy to been easily to predict from his early behaviour by a trained observer and certainly by a health professional and a definite diagnoses by a specialist pediatric Doctor by 3+ years, such as who would be responsible for him had he been in local Authority Care.
There is no cure unfortunately for my son and I sadly must presume for anyone on an autistic spectrum diagnoses. His life will always be better in a loving home than in an institutional environment. However It will take complete control of your life. His behaviour may well improve very gradually, but with sudden outbursts.
You describe yourself as a single mother, but say we have made alterations. As a child of 7 you can physically dominate him yourself presumably, but he will get much stronger, and bigger.
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Start here. I have copied the section below from my sons solicitor, XXX You need somebody similar.
Solicitor XXX works with clients, their carers and/or parents, to ensure they receive the community support they are entitled to in law.
C - quadriplegic victim of a road traffic accident, receiving 30 hours per week support from Social Services, needing 24 hour (168 hour per week) support. In 9 months, with Health and Social Services fighting each other (to protect their budgets) and Julie Burton Law all the way, 24-hour care was secured, delivered via Direct Payments through a care agency.
K - diabetic child with sensory impairment whose single mother needed support work in-put to enable him to attend mainstream after school and holiday childcare schemes to allow her to return to work. Secured full package of care after commencing proceedings.
L - child with learning disability and sensory impairments with totally inadequate support package. Secured assessment of needs, provision of full care package and Public Services Ombudsman findings of maladministration including compensation to family.
C - young person with cerebral palsy in shared care, needed adaptations to foster home. High Court ordered local authority to make arrangements for adaptations. Foster parents supported to move to more suitable accommodation. Case reported at (2004) 7CCLR589.
Solicitor xxxxxxx works with clients, their carers and/or parents, to ensure they receive the community support they are entitled to in law.
Mental Health
Solicitor xxxxxxxx works with clients who are detained under the Mental Health Act, including people detained in acute services, forensic services or rehabilitation services and those held under guardianship.
Incapacity & Best Interests
Solicitor xxxx works with clients who lack capacity to ensure that decisions are made in their best interests.
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As your son is still a child, It would do no harm that you let your son go to a specialist special needs school for communication problems. For Now Stay in Control, and only allow it on a Day Basis only to start with. We were doing this with our son from the age of 3+ to age 19. From about the age of 23 when his behaviour became very bad, the Drug Risperidone was prescribed.
You can try residential later with the rest of his Classmates. But to ease the shock he will still have his family evenings and weekends. We had a large family with 5 others and my autistic son was the Youngest. You have your daughter.
As long as you provide care for 35 hours a week eg at weekends, if residential, and are under 65 you will be entitled to Carers allowance, for this. You will also be entitled to get a National Insurance Credit for your Pension etc.
Your local education authority Will have to arrange a Taxi service for your son and no doubt others also doing the rounds.
I expect given time I will continue, Having been fighting authority most of his life for the help needed.