Hello, I'm New Here So Be Gentle!

If you need any more info about who to contact etc, let me know. I used to work in social services and they’re all pretty similar, and you can often access them online now as well, which might be a good option for you. 

Thank you, I will take that on board!

I need my own space and I feel I'm not getting that right now so it is probably the best thing for me now.

Ok, so I think it’s time to get some support to move back to getting a place of your own. You can contact your local social services department and explain the situation and that you would like some support to move out, get a place if your own, get it all set up etc and any support you might need to maintain the tenancy. 

And don’t take no for an answer. If you need any help around this first step, let me know. 

You can tell your mum you’ve made the decision to move out and try to reassure her that it will be the best thing for all of you in the long run. Tell her you have a deep need for independence and for more solitude than you currently get and because you don’t have that right now, your anxiety and therefore other problems are increasing and the only way to stop that is if you get the right environment for you to live in. 

Take it one step at a time. But there is definitely support out there for this type of thing and even if the people don’t have specific autism awareness they’re very understanding people and they can help you. 

Don’t leave it any longer. They’ll give you the emotional support you need as well. Good luck. 

Of course you don’t have to take my advice, but from the outside looking in, it’s easier to see the situation clearer and that’s how I see it. But I would not be offended or take it personally if you don’t take the advice. And I wish you all the best, whatever you do. 

I used to live on my own before and that was the best thing for me but now being back in my hometown, I just have this heavy weight on my shoulders and it's just bringing me down every day.

I've mentioned moving out so many times but my mother always finds a way to talk me out of it. I know she is trying to do what is best for me but only I know what's best for me. When I was living on my own I was able to go out places and even travel but now that seems like an impossible task as my Anxiety has gotten so bad again that going outside in the real world feels like the end of the world and I just melt down.

You’ll find that here  and in the meantime, have you considered moving out of your family home? 

Hi there living with parents can be extremely stressful - when I was 22 I moved out of a comfortable warm room in my parents' home and went to live in a cold, damp bedsit with mould on the walls. No one could understand why I did it, but I needed the freedom to be me without feeling as if I was being criticised all the time.

Moving out brought lots of other problems. It would have been better if I could have found a way of feeling free at home, and avoiding conflict with my parents. A lot depends on whether your parents are willing to open their minds and understand how being autistic affects you. They may be resistant to this - sometimes our parents are themselves autistic, but undiagnosed. 

Having connections with people outside your immediate family and getting support from them makes it much easier to cope with family relationship problems. We may yearn to be accepted and understood by our parents, but  that may ultimately be unachievable. Accepting ourselves, and finding other people who feel the same way, may be as good as it gets. 

It is really good that you are part of this forum as I am sure you will find friendship and understanding here. 

HelloFormer Member

Thanks for replying, my living situation isn't the best right now and that's my main stress at the moment. I hope to find some friends and some support from this forum

Yes, I’m afraid so DrewKnightmare. It’s pretty common as autism awareness is still very much in its infancy. 

The best thing we can do is build on our own self awareness and understanding with the help of specialist autism workers, if possible, or by watching YouTube videos or reading books etc. 

Maybe your living situation isn’t the best one for you? It’s hard to tell from the little you’ve told us but I myself and several other of my autistic friends tried medication and we all stopped as it never made us feel any different, but apparently to everybody else we were a lot calmer. So I came to the conclusion that tablets don’t make us feel any better but we are somehow easier to be around when we take them, so I think they dumb us down in someways which isn’t really solving the problem.

 As you said, it’s hard for us to explain what it’s like to be us so it’s even harder for non autistic people to understand and for some people, like my dad, it’s just not possible for them to understand, and I understand that now. I try to make sure my visits to my dad are kept relatively short, and that way we remain on good terms. 

Try to work on getting some support for yourself rather than forever trying to explain yourself to people who just don’t understand it. I’m not sure that I would understand it if things were the other way around and I wasn’t the one who was autistic. 

Anyways, welcome  you’ll get a lot of identification and support here.