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New Member - Advice Required

Charlied

Hi

We are new to the forum and would really welcome some advice. We live in Faversham in Kent.

Our son is 10 and was diagnosed with ASD around 8 months ago, this happened to coincide with the time that we moved house.

He found it very hard to cope with the move and his anxieties have manifested themselves in violence towards us.

He is never violent to other people only his close family. Due to his size he is really hurting me (mum) and his younger brother.

Because we have moved to a different health authority we have found it very difficult to get help. We are still waiting to see someone to help us understand how to deal with his behaviour. His paeditrician has referred us to a support group but who knows when we will actually manage to see them.

Can anyone point us in the right direction to get help to cope with his behaviour? We feel we need strategies to prevent him from going into violent tantrums. We also need advice on how best to deal with him during the tantrum. And also what to do afterwards, should we try and discuss it with him or leave him alone?

Because of the tantrums we also find it difficult to enforce any rules for fear of it leading to a tantrum. He constantly answers back and hits out for example if we ask him to get ready for bed, but if we try and discipline him it escalates.

We would be very grateful of any advice.

Parents

  • Charlied said:

     I have read the Explosive Child but have found it hard to apply. It suggests talking to your child after a tantrum to try and find out the cause but Tom is unable to articulate what has upset and will merely say he hates me telling him what to do or going to toilet. He uses the word hate a lot.

    Don't you see he is articulating what has upset him! He 'hates' you telling him what to do, or going to the toilet! That is the problem!

    And, regarding the word 'hate', for us, on the spectrum, emotions are often either fully on or fully off - there is no middle ground - so what he feels probably is most accurately described as 'hate', but then, when he's happy he will be 'blissful' and when he feels the love that he almost certainly feels for you, he will 'adore' you.

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  • Charlied said:

     I have read the Explosive Child but have found it hard to apply. It suggests talking to your child after a tantrum to try and find out the cause but Tom is unable to articulate what has upset and will merely say he hates me telling him what to do or going to toilet. He uses the word hate a lot.

    Don't you see he is articulating what has upset him! He 'hates' you telling him what to do, or going to the toilet! That is the problem!

    And, regarding the word 'hate', for us, on the spectrum, emotions are often either fully on or fully off - there is no middle ground - so what he feels probably is most accurately described as 'hate', but then, when he's happy he will be 'blissful' and when he feels the love that he almost certainly feels for you, he will 'adore' you.

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