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New Member - Advice Required

Charlied

Hi

We are new to the forum and would really welcome some advice. We live in Faversham in Kent.

Our son is 10 and was diagnosed with ASD around 8 months ago, this happened to coincide with the time that we moved house.

He found it very hard to cope with the move and his anxieties have manifested themselves in violence towards us.

He is never violent to other people only his close family. Due to his size he is really hurting me (mum) and his younger brother.

Because we have moved to a different health authority we have found it very difficult to get help. We are still waiting to see someone to help us understand how to deal with his behaviour. His paeditrician has referred us to a support group but who knows when we will actually manage to see them.

Can anyone point us in the right direction to get help to cope with his behaviour? We feel we need strategies to prevent him from going into violent tantrums. We also need advice on how best to deal with him during the tantrum. And also what to do afterwards, should we try and discuss it with him or leave him alone?

Because of the tantrums we also find it difficult to enforce any rules for fear of it leading to a tantrum. He constantly answers back and hits out for example if we ask him to get ready for bed, but if we try and discipline him it escalates.

We would be very grateful of any advice.

Parents

  • Hi, thanks for your comments.

    Our biggest problem has been the health system. Because our old health authority was understaffed, I was given a phone diagnosis the day before we moved house. When we moved I went to our new GP and asked for help, he said he couldn't help because there wasn't a diagnosis in my son's notes. I went back to my sons old consultant who said she couldn't refer us straight to someone in our new area as she didn't know who to refer him to, she did send us a letter confirming his ASD disgnosis.

    The school were very helpful and referred us to CAMH's, we went to see them but were told they couldn't help us as he didn't have a detailed diagnosis. I went back to our GP who agreed to refer us to a paeditrician. We saw the paeditrician last month who finally has all the notes regarding his diagnosis. She is referring us back to CAMH's. 8 months later it feels like we are still no closer to getting help.

    Generally Tom is quite happy as long as he can have time on his own and do his own thing. It tends to be if there is something we want him to do that he doesn't consider is necessary, i.e. getting dressed, going to toilet, homework, haircuts, going to places I need to go to. He becomes very agressive towards me and shouts at me. He has a younger brother and directs a lot of anger towards him, he is always telling him to go away and he hates him.

    Any instruction I give, such as tea is ready or bath time is met with 'Shush' or 'Never' 'Go away'. I have to just ignore it, if I try and address the way he talks to me it will turn into a violent tantrum.

     I have read the Explosive Child but have found it hard to apply. It suggests talking to your child after a tantrum to try and find out the cause but Tom is unable to articulate what has upset and will merely say he hates me telling him what to do or going to toilet. He uses the word hate a lot.

    We just don't know how to cope with his behaviour. Are there any workshops in Kent we can go to that will help us understand? Are there any books or groups that can help? I am starting to think we will pay to see someone to get help, but again I don't know who.

     

Reply

  • Hi, thanks for your comments.

    Our biggest problem has been the health system. Because our old health authority was understaffed, I was given a phone diagnosis the day before we moved house. When we moved I went to our new GP and asked for help, he said he couldn't help because there wasn't a diagnosis in my son's notes. I went back to my sons old consultant who said she couldn't refer us straight to someone in our new area as she didn't know who to refer him to, she did send us a letter confirming his ASD disgnosis.

    The school were very helpful and referred us to CAMH's, we went to see them but were told they couldn't help us as he didn't have a detailed diagnosis. I went back to our GP who agreed to refer us to a paeditrician. We saw the paeditrician last month who finally has all the notes regarding his diagnosis. She is referring us back to CAMH's. 8 months later it feels like we are still no closer to getting help.

    Generally Tom is quite happy as long as he can have time on his own and do his own thing. It tends to be if there is something we want him to do that he doesn't consider is necessary, i.e. getting dressed, going to toilet, homework, haircuts, going to places I need to go to. He becomes very agressive towards me and shouts at me. He has a younger brother and directs a lot of anger towards him, he is always telling him to go away and he hates him.

    Any instruction I give, such as tea is ready or bath time is met with 'Shush' or 'Never' 'Go away'. I have to just ignore it, if I try and address the way he talks to me it will turn into a violent tantrum.

     I have read the Explosive Child but have found it hard to apply. It suggests talking to your child after a tantrum to try and find out the cause but Tom is unable to articulate what has upset and will merely say he hates me telling him what to do or going to toilet. He uses the word hate a lot.

    We just don't know how to cope with his behaviour. Are there any workshops in Kent we can go to that will help us understand? Are there any books or groups that can help? I am starting to think we will pay to see someone to get help, but again I don't know who.

     

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