Not sure but concerned for children

Hi I am Mike

I have never been good a social situation from. A child I would fake illness so not to go to school disco's and only had a small number of friends, but I got by and will by 40 next year. I have a good job and have an electrical contracting business sometimes I wonder if it's worth it for the effort involved.

I do find it difficult but don't know if this is the norm, electric's come easily to me and was my major srong point in at school in physicsI can imagine the logic  yet I can't visualise the thongs in my mind, if I close my eyes and think I get nothing it's just like static on a old tv. Yet again is this the norm when people ask you to visualise things do they  appear in the mind or not. For me it no and I know  no different.

I don't catch all of a conversation as I hear everyone else in the background and do get accused of not listening yet the harder I do try to listen the more I here of the background and I can't single out one person. This really cause arguments with my wife as she thinks I just don't listen and don't care. I find I very hard to read someone emotions and know what they are feeling and have been told that I am unsympathetic.

I can recall any and all jobs I have done down to the last screw, I can recall cable runs and talk people though jobs done if I had just done them that day, well than goes for most memory's not to date or time but location, task and people involved.

I also see patterns especially thing that don't fit in I have been finding four leaf clovers from a young age. They don't look right with all the other and stand rigth out I filled several photo albums with them but stopped after a had a collection of over a 1000, the most i found was 27 in less tha 10 miniutes and I also see the words in a word search without having to try.

I had to attend learning support though school deslexia was metioned but not confremed and I was predicted poor emax results. Yet t I did really well as I could recall every lesson during the exams without any revisions, which I received some appolages for from my teachers as the though I was lazy.

Didn't  revise much ether for  the same reson I don't read now and that is that the words move on the page or screen unless the brighness is low, then I can do it. 

Also I miss large amounts of sentences out when writing as if my mind is faster than my hand, also this happens when speaking I have to make a real effort to slow down and double think it I miss words out. The same as with writing and mixing letters up, thank God for spelling check.

I do find day to day life changing I get by and  I do drink more than I should it helps numb the world. but shouldn't be a substitute for support or just a bit of help.

I am married with  2 children the oldest is 4. He is shown the same characteristics as myself. He sorts his toys into line according to size and colour, dosnt take well to changes in routine and dosn't  cope that well when a organised plan changes.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, should I look for help for my boy now or see how he gets on at school as now more is getting known and  published about learning disabilities, I have managed and got on but don't want my boy to have to struggle like I have. 

Regards Mike

  • Hi Mike and welcome.  Hope you had a good and relaxing Christmas.

    I'm 47 and was diagnosed with ASD just over a year ago.  Like you I've always had good jobs but I've often found them a bit of a struggle.  Congratulations on running your own electrical firm.

    A long time ago I worked in the Engineering Services dept. for one of the water companies and tended to do more on the Electrical side.  I was also studying for a part-time degree in Electronics Engineering sponsored by the company.  The sparks always used to laugh at me and say "why are you wasting your time with that, that's just noise!" :-).

    I can't visualise the thongs in my mind

    I think that differs between people.  I like working from drawings and diagrams -  

    I don't catch all of a conversation as I hear everyone else in the background and do get accused of not listening yet the harder I do try to listen the more I here of the background and I can't single out one person.

    I had to attend learning support though school deslexia was metioned but not confremed

    Also I miss large amounts of sentences out when writing as if my mind is faster than my hand,

    should I look for help for my boy now or see how he gets on at school as now more is getting known and  published about learning disabilities, I have managed and got on but don't want my boy to have to struggle like I have. 

  • Hi Mike,

    With regard to the question 'should I look for help for my boy',my immediate response is yes.The concern you have expressed seems reasonable-basing concerns in specific relation to your own experiences and particularly in relation to the observations you have noted regarding your son it is clear that you have approached this in a considered manner and care about your son/children's well being/future well being.

     It is my experience that it can be incredibly difficult for parents to agree upon what is best for their child/children. My daughter has very  recently been diagnosed with ASD. Unfortunately the assessment process (at CAHMS) is not ideal as it is takes a long time for to come to the point of assessing the need for assessment and a long time for an ASD assessment to reach a conclusion-in theory this could all be done relatively quickly but in reality the process takes a very long time(3 years for my daughter to receive  a diagnosis.I first started seeking help for my daughter when it became apparent that she had not coped with the transition from Primary school to Secondary school .My daughter's dad has not found it easy to accept that our daughter required help from the CAHMS team,now that my daughter has received a diagnosis ,her dad has stated that he has been in 'denial' about our daughter showing signs of ASD.Only time will tell if he can truly accept the diagnosis but my primary concern is my daughter and what is best for her-Since the age of 11 she has had immense difficulty coping with everyday life-she feels different and has exceptionally low self esteem(Over the past year this has led to suicidal ideation and self harm), my daughter wants help and needs help ,understanding and support .Prior to the transition from Primary school to Secondary, my daughter seemed to be a contended child,she only had one friend and was happy spending time on her own ,my daughter has very good verbal communication skills but this and many other things have 'masked' her ASD.

    The process of getting help for my daughter has been long but even without a diagnosis it has been helpful.Over the past year/since the notion that my daughter could have ASD things have started to make sense. My daughter's ASD only became apparent when she showed signs of struggling to cope with change,life before Secondary school was simple ,straightforward and structured.

    Mike,it seems reasonable for you to take action to explore the possibility that your son has ASD-it could be that he does  not have ASD,it could be that he does-whichever outcome is fine .I can not think of any reason not to explore the possibility now.I took action as soon as I could identify that my daughter needed help,if I had suspected that she had ASD when she was younger I would have sought help at that point in time.I do not feel bad for not seeing signs of ASD in my daughter sooner ,I feel good that she has a diagnosis as I am acutely aware that she experiences the world very differently from my own perspective. My daughter is able now to express that she wants help and needs it.It is only now that daughter can express that she has felt different and uncomfortable in this world since the age of 7/8 .I feel that ASD is indeed the correct diagnosis for my daughter.Yes she has always had ASD but possibly due to my Neurotypical brain I couldn't see the subtle signs of it during her younger years.

    Mike ,I wish you and your family all the best

  • I would say yes it is probably worth starting the process and raising the concerns you have about your son. I do believe the earlier support can be put in place, the better for the individual. At 4 they may well want to see how he gets on at school but if they do, you will have at least have started the process for him. Good luck.