I have a 13 year old son who I believe has PDA. He's recently been self medicating with smoking weed and I really don't know how to deal with him or this situation.
It started in the summer, we tried all the usual methods of punishment such as grounding him, taking his stuff off him, turning off the WiFi etc. He doesn't seem to understand consequences and ran away because we refused to turn the WiFi on. We grounded him and he climbed out of the window in the middle of the night to visit his friends! We tried taking his mobile phone and he became violent, I called the police and he didn't even care. He just sat there and smirked in front of the officer and was disrespectful. He has punched doors, mirrors and throws objects at us if we challenge him on his rudeness or try and take control of a situation regardless of consistency in our approach.
I regularly search his room and confiscate anything to do with weed or smoking. I do not give him any money but he 'earns' his share by rolling for others and he seems to know a lot of other teens who use it so is always able to access it even without any money.
I have tried talking to him to reassure him that we (his parents) are here to support him trying to stop and this is a dangerous path he is taking but he is so cocky, he just tells me that all his mates do it and there is no need to worry! He does it to reduce anxiety and 'chill'.
He was supposed to be assessed in school by an ed psych in September but refuses to go to school a lot so the ed psych made a home visit and chatted to his dad and I instead. We agreed on things like him not having to wear a full school uniform (he wears black skinny jeans and smart black trainers instead), also rather than going to internal exclusion most of the time as this was proving an ineffective method of punishment for him to sit with his head of year instead. He is struggling to go to school at all at the moment even on a reduced timetable and I feel it is only a short matter of time before he is permanently excluded due to his persistent rudeness and inability to do anything he is told to in the class room.
We tried taking him to counselling in the summer, but he refused to engage with the counsellor making our sessions pointless.
His behaviour is making both his dad and I ill and we are now struggling to cope with him. We have a younger child aged 11 with ASD but his behaviour is not aggressive and we are not having any issues with him.
We cannot go on living like this, unfortunately we do not have any relatives he can stay with to give us a break, I know if I called social services he would never forgive me. Does anyone have any idea how I can move forward?
Any strategies or advice would be welcome as we are desperate, and his abusive behaviour is scaring our younger son which I cannot continue to allow.
Many thanks Marie
I really did not want to comment as I have never tried any form of Drugs other than Alcohol and Tobacco, I was addicted to tobacco for over 20+ years from the age of 14 and was certainly making New year resolutions from the age of 15 to stop smoking, I realised I was addicted when I was standing at a cigarette machine at 2 am half a mile away in carpet slippers. I drink barely 1 or 2 units a week on average, but in my younger days, I sometimes drank to excess, mainly boredom or with Mates as was normal mid 50's to 70's.
I am aged 79 and have a severely autistic son , but from what you write Your Son's behaviour could well be the result of his use of a Psychotic Drug (Weed) and his being addicted to it and cannot withdraw from it.
As you indicate you do not encourage his (Weed) drug taking, currently an illegal substance, which he takes on your premises, You and his Father could well be prosecuted for allowing it on the Premises, This may well include your Landlord if your property is rented.
You indicate that he has drugs Paraphernalia in his room and no doubt hidden elsewhere possibly with weed. .and that he "earns money" supplying others either directly, or as part of a Drugs supplying gang. He should be aware the Law will come down on him like a ton of Bricks. That is a very serious Crime.
When ever your stroppy son is stopped by the police for whatever minor offence he may do as he will in today's world. The Police or bein reported by anybody with a grudge against you or your son,your son can smell weed on his clothing as it will come out normally in his sweating.
The first thing the Police will do will be to search his bedroom, and build a case against your angry son.
If they suspect he is involved in some way with supplying drugs, even 1 spliff, They might come through your Front door at 5 a, arrest all present and turn your home and garden over with a dog looking for evidence.
They will not pay a penny for the damage if they find as little as 1 spliff.
Depending on whether you own or rent your home, Your trouble may only be just starting.
I suggest that you seek legal help from the CAB,
DONT ASK THE POLICE FOR ADVICE unless through a solicitor. as they may well put you on a TO DO list,The same goes for the Council, and his School. who will want to solve their Problem you have dumped on them without any budget the easiest way possible ie inform the Police, their problem with your son solved.
I personally could not care less about Weed taking, I think it should be legal to grow your own. but not supply.
Your Son going to cause you great distress and should be made aware of the consequences. SEEK HELP NOW.
Also from direct experience police don't just destroy your home for having one spliff these days it's a caution. Dealing is a different matter as is cultivation but they need evidence. And to think they would go after a 13 autistic child...
Scare tactics aside, try drugs councilors but not through cab. Doctors can refer to adaction or similar but most gps will not so so for weed as no proof of medical addiction. I get this info from having had two brothers with severe drug addiction (heroin) so had to watch what it did to my family
While it is highly probable that the son in question has some form of autism, He has no official diagnosis only his mother's belief he has PDA He should be taking prescribed drugs for his symptoms he needs to see a pediatric psychiatrist or similar.
I did not say the police would turn his home over for a spliff, I said his mother has in as many words indicated he has a source of income from being paid some how for some how supplying his mates with spliffs. should they get caught with the spliffs they will indicate where they got them perhaps also to their parents who may well call the police. My point was supplying is very serious. and should the police decide to turn over the boys home, and find nothing to support their reason to search, like not finding a Drone. ie they can be made to pay damages, however should they find ANY drugs or ANYTHING that support their reason to decide to search the property, They will not pay for any damage, ANY drugs means just that a few crumbs in a Grinder, a single spliff is a huge by comparison.ANYTHING could mean a grinder, scales whatever. I sad CAB because i felt the mother should at least know where to start looking legal wise should the worst happen.
This Cocky, Disrespectful, Violent, Rude, youth who Frightens his younger autistic brother must be made aware of the consequences of his actions on his parents upon which his home based security and wellbeing depend.
He needs drugs, but from a doctor. My son is on Risperidone, Others above have similar drugs.