Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
This is my first post on this forum; or any forum for that matter. My name is Will and I am father to a beautiful little man called Jacob.
I am at work so will keep this condensed for now. My niece and nephew are both autistic one is 17 and one is 12, so I have grown up with a good understanding of the behaviours and traits displayed to a certain degree.
I noticed certain traits in my son from as young as 6 months old; I couldn’t really explain it, but I had a gut feeling he may be autistic. Anyway he is now approaching 2 in Feb and my feelings have been pretty much confirmed. He does not speak at all, flaps his hands, can become very distressed with certain things. I wont go on as those are not the issue.
He has not be formally diagnosed yet, but has been in constant contact with health worker and now speech & language. She has referred him to paediatrician who will proceed with his care and hopefully come to a conclusive diagnosis.
Ok so that is the summary; the reason I am here is of course for support, to know I am doing the right thing with my wife for our boy. We both work full time and it is hard leaving him. He is the most wonderful, loving little man, and is such a good boy. He has the odd meltdown, which is very upsetting, as only myself or my wife can calm him down.
At present his grandparents on both my side and my wife’s side split the child care during the week. This works well, he loves his grandparents and they have come to know how to make his days comfortable and as happy as possible.
The big question I have is nursery. We tried when he was younger and he was beside himself, it was heart-breaking so we took him straight out. We are now going to try again when he hits 2. Just 3 hours on an afternoon twice a week, so he can integrate with other children. This terrifies me, it is fast approaching and I don’t think he will cope. He would be fine as long as one of us was sat in the room; but to be on his own for that long really scares me; I think he will get very upset.
We have visited and he enjoyed the room, was ok with the lady there, but his mam and dad we present which is the huge difference. So really I was wondering if people could share their experience with nursery please and any advice. It would be greatly appreciated. He doesn’t have to go at 2, but would we be doing the wrong thing to not have him go? Myself and my wife just want what is best for our boy.
Thanks
Will
Hello Will and Jacob,
my son has just turned 3 and will start pre school in January.
I cannot advise you my experience because we haven't got there yet but I wanted to say that there is no pressure for you and your family to feel that you should send Jacob to pre school at 2.
If it doesn't feel good then try again in a new season.
Before I considered becoming a parent I knew I would like to keep my child with me for as long as possible and pre school would start at 3.
My son has no grandparents or aunts to help with interaction so it's been all on me to be them all and you know what... he's fine. I don't think you need to feel sorry that your keeping him from going. They are in school for a long time.
At 2 my son wasn't ready for pre school, he was hardly speaking and just got the idea of pointing.
Now he's just turned 3 and his speech is coming on slowly, I'm confident he will be ok now. I will let you know.
I will miss him dearly but I know now he needs to be with other little people his age and learn from them how to get the grips of social interaction.
My personal opinion is that our babies are only little for a short time and it's lovely to have them with parents and careers if it's doable.
The preschool I'm using is relaxed and parents are offered to come in when they fancy it and help out, get on the committee, stay for a cup of tea if child is quirky that day. Have a chat to yours and see what they are like in regards to you being involved.
Ive learnt that there are different types of preschools....some are all about getting them ready for school, some are just all about play, some are just right for certain characters.
... give yourselves a pat on the back and just go with the flow. :)
Thank you very much for your kind response. Jacob does not point yet or speak at all. I will take on board all advice, thank you.