Hi There
I'm pretty much at the end of my tether. I am a 37 year old male, I work full time in a music library. I live at home on my own, but near my parents and my older brother. My older brother is severely autistic and cannot do anything for himself. He is cared for by my parents and my sister. I do not have much to do with him, other than I see him the evenings when I come home from work and I go to my parents for an evening meal and I will see him at the Weekends.
i think I may have Aspergers Syndrome, as I have a number problems which I don't seem to be able to cope with. Firstly I don't have any real friends and I find it and have always done difficult to make any sort of friends and getting on with people. I always feel like an outsider as I have limited communication skills. I find i'm irritable quite a bit of the time and frequently have mood strings. I used to enjoy my job, but I longer do so. I'm due to move offices in October, which i'm not looking forward to as it will mean a longer journey for me. I'm frightened to leave my job as I don't really want all the stress of trying to get another job and I have no idea of what sort of job I would want to do. My parents have just suggested to me about going to University, this is not an option as I have always struggled academically. I used to love playing the piano and listening to music, but I can't be bothered to open the piano up or put on a CD, it just doesn't interest me anymore. A couple of years ago I did think about committing suicide, but it was only because someone in the family found out that I didn't go through with it. After a bad fall in the snow a couple of years ago, I found myself of work for a month and was eventually diagnosed with Osteoporosis. I'm shortsiighted and have problems with my hearing. I have experienced bouts of depression I have mentioned to my doctor about being diagnosted with Asperger's Syndrome, but he doesn't seem that interested. I feel it might be to do with the needs of my brother as to why he doesn't want to help me. I have seen a counseller in the past, however I've found that difficult as I find it difficult to show my feelings. I've also had problems with my breathing and now have to carry an inhaler although I frequently don't need it, only if I need to get somewhere in a hurry when i'm stressed.. I find people hard going to talk to, as I can't keep a conversation going for very long, I started to support a football team 3 years ag0(something I'd never done before). I enjoy it in so much that I enjoy singing the songs, however my knowledge of the game is a lot to be desired. I have tried to read up on the subject, but find reading books very difficult. I have quite a library of books, but everytime and try and read something even a newspaper, I find i'm flicking through whathever it is that vagually takes my interest. I do have a facebook account, and have a number of 'friends' on there, however talking on there I find very difficult as I feel i'm constantly having to think about what I want to say and I end up saying nothing. I don't know what my problem is, but I really wish I could change as I hate myself. I find it hard to get excited about anything, I virtually have no social skills, have never had a girlfirend.
So sorry to bombard you with so much information. I don't really know where to start. Any suggestions as to what I can do would be much appreciated.
