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Advice

NAS49977
over 5 years ago

Hello my name is James I am a 42 year old and have been diagnosed with Aspergers in the last 12 months 

i would like to ask if any other members can help me with advice on a particular area of my life that has and continues to hamper me the most 

i have been with my wife for over 10 years and have been married for the last 3 and I love her very much but it was because she has got to know me the closest over that time that some of my behaviours have become a problem. The lack of affection that I show towards her my lack of interest in having sexual relations is the thing that's causing us the most issues and is something that will if nothing changes probably force us apart 

I don't really know how to address this as I've always been the same in my relationships while I do enjoy sex occasionally I'm just not comfortable with the intimacy element of it I'm now aware of how much this is hurting her and I'd welcome any advice of anyone who has found ways around this as everything I read seems to suggest that the partner of someone pretty much has to just accept this is just the way it is 

I would like to make some small steps if possible because I really don't want to loose my wife this has been a theme throughout my adult life and I've sort counselling in the past before my diagnosis and although my wife has been understanding she is now at breaking point

thankyou in advance

Parents
  • over 5 years ago

    Both of you obviously need some form of Counselling such as Relate.  I suggest initially you google "Relate".  and speak to someone who will try and help you.

    I further suggest that you visit your GP and explain your problem to Him/Her. you may have something other than being autistic spectrum.assessed, and medication may help, but not cure the Problem..

    And as you do not mention children, I further suggest that you ask your wife how she would like to celebrate Christmas, perhaps a holiday or doing something somewhere she would like in the time  available. being off work . Not where you would like..But take advice from Relate..

    From what you write I expect the last thing she may want to do is to cook  a turkey.. but contact Relate first and speak to them, before you do anything that may make matters worse.

    I have been married over 53 years and I assure you both nothing is perfect, I am on this Website as a parent of a severely autistic son.aged 35 years..

    Good luck with your joint efforts.. 

Reply
  • over 5 years ago

    Both of you obviously need some form of Counselling such as Relate.  I suggest initially you google "Relate".  and speak to someone who will try and help you.

    I further suggest that you visit your GP and explain your problem to Him/Her. you may have something other than being autistic spectrum.assessed, and medication may help, but not cure the Problem..

    And as you do not mention children, I further suggest that you ask your wife how she would like to celebrate Christmas, perhaps a holiday or doing something somewhere she would like in the time  available. being off work . Not where you would like..But take advice from Relate..

    From what you write I expect the last thing she may want to do is to cook  a turkey.. but contact Relate first and speak to them, before you do anything that may make matters worse.

    I have been married over 53 years and I assure you both nothing is perfect, I am on this Website as a parent of a severely autistic son.aged 35 years..

    Good luck with your joint efforts.. 

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