Published on 12, July, 2020
There's a part of me that's scared to post this and another that feels energised. I’m 65, I’m on the spectrum (High Functioning) and was diagnosed with prostate cancer 11 years ago. Now, when I look back, during my treatment and whilst setting up and running two support groups for folk with prostate cancer I felt totally listened to by all those I met, and fully energised. However, three years after diagnosis when (to the outside world) I was ‘cured’ (which I wasn't) I felt abandoned and became depressed.
Over the last few weeks I’ve had clinical tests and had it confirmed that my cancer has re-ignited and has spread into my bones (it was just a matter of time). I start chemotherapy this coming Monday.
Suddenly I now feel totally connected with people again, I feel energised, and very much listened to.
I now realise because the word CANCER seems to connect with people, they really want to know what’s going on in my life, they sit and LISTEN and are FOCUSSED and fully RESPOND to what I say.
I feel so energised by that.
In the past when someone asked how I am, or what I am doing (not because of the cancer) I would try and explain what’s going on for me, i.e. me trying to make sense of the world: I would get polite empty blank looks, polite dis-engagement and effectively be ignored – “it’s weird Martin” etc etc.
Having been re-diagnosed with cancer has (it feels to me) connected me back with the neurotypical world.
How ‘weird’ is that. . . being diagnosed with cancer (again) has been the best thing to happen to me (again)?!
Hi there,
I'm really sorry to read of your re-diagnosis. It's strange that you should post this as I work with someone who recovered from cancer a few years ago, only to be told recently that it has returned. He, like you, is awaiting chemotherapy.
Everyone at work knows I have Asperger's (I work for an autism charity, too), and there was initially a lot of interest in this from other staff. It became clear, though - even with the information we had at work, and from things I've said - that it wasn't really sinking in with them, and no one really mentions it much. I tend to get lumped in with everyone else - though I have been given some reasonable adjustments. This other chap, though - with his recent news - has really become the focus of everyone's attention. As you say - it's something that more people can readily relate to and identify with.
I'm glad that it brings you that 'connection' with people. It's very sad, though, that it has to come about in such a way. If anything, it demonstrates the struggles we will always have in getting across to others the ways in which we perceive and respond to the world. Autism is something only a small minority of us are born with, and therefore something that only we can ever experience. No one else can catch it, like a cold, or develop it, like a physical condition. There are obvious cross-overs with people with mental health conditions, and maybe they can be more understanding and empathetic about what we go through. But they still don't see the world through our eyes.
I wish you well with the commencement of your treatment. Please keep us informed about how things go for you.
Best regards,
Tom
Hi Tom - very many thanks for your understanding reply - conversations like this definitely help me put context around how I do me. It also allows me to practice witnessing (without me going into overdrive) neurotypicals.
I'd love people to have the same focus and understanding of my autistic world as they have with my cancer diagnosis.
Again, many thanks - I'll keep folks updated.
best regards Martin