shes already 16

You are Unpaid Family Carers of last resort. 

You should be entitled to get an assessment of your own needs from the local authority.

Your daughter is obviously in my book entitled to get an assessment of her needs,from the local authority.

I hope your daughter has little savings of her own, because she should be entitled to have a specialist solicitor help her under legal aid. There are limits for this savings amount, in her name. Last time I referred to it, I believe it was under £3000, so less than £500 is safer.

Anyway the CAB will give you information about this limit, and may also be able to advise on a specialist solicitor. The criminal or property practices in every town, are not what I mean. You may also get the names of solicitors the local authority social services deal with in relation to similar needs as with your daughter.

You need someone who is specialised in and can advise in Community Care, Mental health,  Incapacity and best interests.

I am certain the CAB will assist. You will also be able to Google "solicitors registration authority uk" & telephone ask questions. - Take your time to explain it is your Daughter who needs Legal Aid, not you, even if you deal with the Matters on her behalf, otherwise you may get the bill. always sign documents concerning your daughter "For and on behalf of ..........autistic Child /Adult. (as may be applicable). If the first names given don't help, go back and ask again. A specialist solicitor will know this.

Just Remember a Contract made over the Telephone is a valid contract from then on, and will no doubt be recorded.  So write down conversation notes names etc  and give yourself time to think about it. 

good luck.

Thank you so much for your reply :). Yes she has attended 'normal' schools all of her life, we have moved her into a school now that seems much calmer for her albeit that she's had to repeat a year due to being so let down due to the system previously. 

She can communicate but she finds it so difficult to make friends she has been isolated for years, something that we as a family find really difficult because shes just like the other kids with a diagnosis, a really lovely person with a great sense of humour. 

Having spoke to her school I can see it's going to be a struggle, they didn't believe that she would get a diagnosis, she was just disruptive, naughty and considered 'stupid'. We were really angry to be seen as bad parents too. they often said that we didn't give her clear boundaries and sanctions. Hence the parenting classes all the time.

Thank you for the information about contacting the CAB possibly local MP, I would have never thought of that. Also to take notes, I think the diagnoses was was harder to get because so many different professionals had been involved that we lost alot of information that could have helped her earlier. I only started keeping a behaviour diary recently because a friend recommended that it might help to identify other triggers that I may miss.

I've never really thought about carers duties either, we have never been able to leave her on her own for a little while or with her siblings, I guess we just accepted that this is what she's needed to be safe towards herself and others.

We do have social services involved, but this is because of the safety issues we have with her meltdowns. She has been so frustrated that she has caused quite serious harm to us,  and her younger siblings. So I don't quite know where we would stand with that one?

You have given us a lot to consider and we really appreciate all of the help, thank you x 

I can understand the relief those caring for a loved one with autism feel when you finally get a diagnosis.

There will be others on this forum who will relate better to your daughter's specific problems and age for advice as I presume she has attended normal schools, and can communicate, but may not understand everything said to her.

You will need help from others such as CAB to try and get somebody who knows what the school should do to help you, to go with you to any meeting you attend. 

Other wise the school will be an expert to save money and you will be a novice. 

I suggest that you write, keep filed copies of all documentation and calls relating to your daughter, to arrange a meeting with your school's head teacher and let them know that your daughter has a now obvious documented handicap and how will they accommodate her.

Make notes during any meeting, they may help you when you write down about any decisions later.

You don't say about any caring duties you have become locked into, because of your daughter's  problems.  I attended a "Carers UK" meeting for my locality yesterday, They may be able to coordinate help with forms etc. and other contacts applicable to your daughter's needs.

Then obviously you should perhaps firstly, contact your GP to discuss perhaps your daughter seeing a specialist doctor. 

Also to see what other help can be obtained from your local authority.

You should make contact with your local authority social services and see if they can help.

Always ask for the name ( or reference Number) of  any official you speak to and date and time etc. Even asking them to spell it out if unclear, do it after you say Your Name.

Orderly documents may well assist your daughter in future for others to understand her problems coping. 

Don't forget you have an MP should you get problems.