Hello, I'm an 18 year-old person. I am starting University in September.
My partner altered me to my autistic traits about a year ago, and while I had done research into Autistic Spectrum Disorders before that I didn't really think much of it applied to me (apart from acute sensitivity to sound, stimming and taking things in a literal manner).
I've taken a variety of online quizzes, although I do not completely trust their validity without the guidance of a professional to clarify and elaborate on the intentions and meanings of the questions.
I scored:-
- AQ - 41
- EQ - 8
- SQ - 68
- Eyes test - 11
- Rdos - Aspie score 180 of 200, Neurotypical score 13 of 200
- Alexythmia test - 178 out of a possible 185.
I am very unsure as to whether or not I have an Autistic Spectrum disorder, because there are extenuating circumstances surrounding my childhood - moderate to severe physical and emotional neglect and sexual abuse, and minor emotional and physical abuse between the ages of 7-18 for the emotional abuse and neglect, and indeterminate beginning age for the sexual abuse but it ended around age 13 - which have most likely attributed to a decrease in emotional intelligence, accounting for the high alexythmia and poor EQ score.
Because of the childhood circumstances mentioned it is very difficult for me to get reliable information about my behaviour as a child.
I know that I was extremely rigid in my adherence to 'the rules' as I saw them. I would not swear, I walked away from my mother in shops when she started stealing, I did not find it at all amusing when other children would break 'the rules' and would either ignore them or tell them to stop. I was highly verbal, my spoken language skills developed very early, I said my first word at five months old (according to my mother).
I know that I would, when I was left to my devices, watch the same video over, and over, and over again. I would recite facts that I found interesting to anyone who would listen. I was not shy, but I did not acknowledge the presence of strangers, I would not make eye contact or respond to anything they said to me until I had known them some time. I would repeat chunks of humours dialogue from movies and TV, mimicking the persons tone, facial expression and accent.
I have two videos of me as a small child, one from my first birthday where I appear to be very uninterested in presents, with very little facial expression except for a few smiles, I place my hands over my ears when the bring the cake to me and start to sing happy birthday. The other is from when I am eight, and it is from my cousin's Christening, I am just holding my favourite toy and bobbing up and down on the spot which I suppose was meant to be dancing.
My mother says that I had absolutely no behavioural problems, and my aunt says that I was a 'boring child' because I was so well behaved - conversely her child has extreme impulse control issues and behavioural problems. I had an extreme inability to convey my emotions, I would get upset, she would ask me what I was feeling/why and I would unable to speak. She would scold me for sulking, and I would go and sit in the shoe cupboard until I felt better. I also experienced extreme and unexplainable stomach pains and head aches, that my mother assumed were just ploys to get time off of school.
I was unable to dress myself until age ten, I could not brush my own hair until age 13 and only recently have I developed the skills to care for my personal hygiene. I had acceptable social skills until about age nine, although I exhibited sexually inappropriate behaviour with my peers - namely exposing myself to them which I do not attribute to possible autistic spectrum disorder, ability to socialise since then hasn't developed particularly well and I find it extremely difficult to make and maintain friendships.
I am intelligent, but half the time I don't understand why people are talking about, particularly on emotional topics or when they uses figurative language or say something that they do not actually mean.
I think I have an acceptable understanding of myself, it should be noted that this has been developed through many, many hours of thought dissection, and contemplative reflections and all of my knowledge of myself and other people has been gained through intellectual analysis and extrapolation.
I know that without meeting and me, and without having diagnostic qualifications it cannot be said with any definitive conviction whether or not I have an Autistic Spectrum Disorder. However, I would like input as to whether it is with the realm of reasonable possibility that I am on the spectrum.
Here are the possible explanations for my behaviour so far as I am aware (I would be very interested if people could offer alternative explanations:-
- I have an Autistic Spectrum Disorder, and the symptoms of this have been exacerbated by my upbringing.
- I have an Autistic Spectrum Disorder, and the symptoms of this have been masked by my upbringing.
- I do not have an Autistic Spectrum Disorder, and the symptoms I display are purely the result of my upbringing and personal disposition.
- I have a neurological disorder/personality disorder or mental condition that is mimicking some symptoms of an Autistic Spectrum Disorder and that my childhood behaviour can be attributed solely to my upbringing.
- I have no neurological disorder/personality disorder, mental codition or pervasive developmental disorder, my symptoms are purely the result of my upbringing and personal disposition.
