Published on 12, July, 2020
my boyfriend has autism and aspergers and he has never been in a relationship before and doesn't know anything about having a girlfriend or how relationships work, how can I help him understand about it in a way that he will understand and wont get confused?
Welcome to the forum.
I'm an autistic man, and I have to be honest, pretty hopeless at relationships; you're certainly right that we can often find them "confusing"! So firstly, it's really good of you to try to find out more, and this is just the place to do that. When I think of some of the problems that I've had with relationships, there are a few things which stand out...
Autism can add extra difficulties to a relationship. Don't ever forget that a relationship must be satisfying for both partners. If you feel that his autistic behaviours leave you feeling unappreciated, unfulfilled, or even lonely, there is no shame in this; you shouldn't ever feel that you should feel guilty or suppress your genuine feelings. You must be honest and get talking about it if you feel that he is using his autism as an excuse to have everything his own way, or if he treats you more like his Mum or a cuddly-toy than as a partner (being autistic doesn't automatically make us saints!) If you ever feel that things really aren't working out, try to make a clean break, and don't feel that you must force yourself to hang around because you're part of his "autism support". However, relationships between autistic and non-autistic people can work very well if both sides learn to communicate well; I have spoken to quite a few who ended up getting married and have wonderful lives together!
Best wishes for both of you!
Great advice.