Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
My name is John Gaffen, I don't have Autism, but I very strongly suspect that someone I know very well, has undiagnosed Asperger's Syndrome. This person was married to my sister, who sadly passed away back in April of this year. He has all the classic characteristics of this syndrome and has even mentioned to me directly that he has no real friends. I have known this person for many years and it has been extremely difficult sometimes to get along with my brother-in-law. This person is now in his 70's, he has a very high IQ, but his social interactions can be very awkward and one sided. He gets very focused on very narrow areas of interest and or conversations and finds it difficult to empathize with other people at times. He uses his considerable intelligence to try and navigate around some of these issues, but not always successfully.
My question is 1). Should I tell him what I think, that he probably has Aspergers, 2). If so, how should I approach or I go about doing this 3). What other advice should I offer to him if I go ahead and tell him?
This is a difficult one, as I am worried about doing more harm than good.
Oh, difficult... What do you want to achieve by telling him? I for one wish someone had told me 30+ years ago as it would have made work life and private life so much more bearable. But I'm assuming he's no longer working and might not be looking for another relationship. So both those arguments can't be taken into consideration.
And people that are older tend to get fixed in their ways, and he might not wish to consider other views.
Also you might push him away for good.
I don't know if you are close enough to him to ask whether he's happy? Maybe that could be a start. Or pose the question the way you did above. As in: if you had a form of Autism would you want to know?
All of the above might set him off and push him away for good. Difficult question...