Published on 12, July, 2020
I am yet to be diagnosed and really struggling with all the faux pas I've probably committed over the years. I have extreme social anxiety, but when actually committed to a conversation I open up far too much and living in a small community its just making me not want to go out at all.
I've tried masking for years but truth is I just don't have the energy to mask or keep friendships going. I'm panicking a lot and feel at odds with the world. I feel too much! I feel like a fraud as I have no diagnosis, I feel like I will lose the plot if I'm diagnosed and be even worse if I remain undiagnosed. I am sick of hearing were all on the spectrum it just doesn't help me at all I don't understand the world or the people in it and want to hide away or be mute.
I don't have any answers no one takes me seriously so I don't feel like I can talk about it.
I've been referred for assessment, and I'm waiting to hear back from them. Meanwhile, I've had a preliminary assessment from the Wellbeing service, on account of persistent anxiety and recurring depression. Before that, I actually thought I was doing fairly well, but I just wanted to find out if I'm really autistic. But now I've had to think about my problems, they've come into sharper focus, and I feel a lot worse. Sometimes I wish I'd left things as they were, because I'm struggling to find the equilibrium I had. I didn't realise how detached I'd become from my emotions, and now I'm crying over the slightest thing. I suppose I'm looking for reassurance that this is part of the process, and it'll be worth it in the end. I'm not sure who I am any more.
You cannot become autistic unless you have suffered a brain injury some how.. A lot ot people get some form of brain injury in the womb, have a genetic reason. being born or suffer some illness or catastrophy in life. Me being male I do not appreciate female problems personally, There has been a change in your otherwise normal life. If you were autistic as such this would surley affected you as a child when "Normality or not is most easily seen".,
Thank you for your reply, I will assume you meant well, even though you've totally missed the point. I'm not sure why you assumed I'm only referring to recent changes in my behaviour and emotions, I've been almost 2 years weighing up my personal history and lifelong social difficulties before deciding to ask my GP for an assessment. If it turns out I don't have Asperger's syndrome, fair enough. But it wasn't a decision made lightly.
Out of curiosity, do you have autism yourself? You come across as NT.