Older prediagnosis struggling

I am yet to be diagnosed and really struggling with all the faux pas I've probably committed over the years. I have extreme social anxiety, but when actually committed to a conversation I open up far too much and living in a small community its just making me not want to go out at all. 

I've tried masking for years but truth is I just don't have the energy to mask or keep friendships going. I'm panicking a lot and feel at odds with the world. I feel too much! I feel like a fraud as I have no diagnosis, I feel like I will lose the plot if I'm diagnosed and be even worse if I remain undiagnosed. I am sick of hearing were all on the spectrum it just doesn't help me at all I don't understand the world or the people in it and want to hide away or be mute.

I don't have any answers no one takes me seriously so I don't feel like I can talk about it.