New diagnosis HELP>>>>>>

This may sound like a silly question (apologies if it is), but have you sat down with your daughter and talked to her about the things that make her upset? She may not be able to verbalise this or she may find it hard to explain, but it just occurs to me that communication with a child with autism is really key to understanding how to help them deal with the things that are bothering them. 

If you don't know what's triggering her, it is hard to know how to manage it.

I wasn't diagnosed as a kid, and I had a lot of misunderstandings and problems with people because of it. My mother thought I was defiant because she'd tell me not to do something but I wouldn't understand that two incidents were to her the same thing, to me they were different if they happened in different places/with different people/at different times/on different days. And I had a lot of bad experiences at school being repeatedly punished by teachers for 'defiance' when I didn't actually understand what was going on. You said your kid doesn't understand she is doing something wrong - but is she actually doing something wrong or is she doing something that you don't understand? There is a tendency to assume that autistic meltdown behaviours are 'wrong' but that's negative and doesn't resolve what causes it, thus can't possibly stop it. All it can do is make the kid feel worse for doing something to make you upset.

It sounds to me like your daughter is trying to tell you something is really freaking her out or scaring her but she hasn't found a way yet to make you understand what that is. It may be that school is part of that as well. It certainly was for me, but because everyone always told me off, I didn't know how to explain how I felt to anyone. I just felt like a bad kid. Your daughter has only just been diagnosed, so she may already have experienced 'bad kid' mentality issues as well. 

I don't know your daughter so I may be way off the mark and feel free to ignore all or any of what I said. Just, as a person who has been that little screaming, kicking girl with autism, I really want to try and help you and your daughter going forward. Autistic kids have a lot of potential locked up inside of them, but you as her chief supporters are so integral to that process that the sooner you begin, the better.

I would much rather parents spoke to their kids about the issue before talking to other parents about it. Other parents are not your kid with autism. Unless you hear the kid's own concerns (if she is able to voice them), you are still only working on assumptions. Once you know how your kid feels, then you can go talk to other parents and compare notes...but if you just rely on non-autistic adults to tell you what to do, you won't ever get into the head of your autistic child, and that really needs to happen as early as possible so she can go on to live the best life she can (and so can you!).

Also, your daughter is herself. So her triggers, needs, issues will be somewhat unique to her and her situation.

This may sound like a silly question (apologies if it is), but have you sat down with your daughter and talked to her about the things that make her upset? She may not be able to verbalise this or she may find it hard to explain, but it just occurs to me that communication with a child with autism is really key to understanding how to help them deal with the things that are bothering them. 

If you don't know what's triggering her, it is hard to know how to manage it.

I wasn't diagnosed as a kid, and I had a lot of misunderstandings and problems with people because of it. My mother thought I was defiant because she'd tell me not to do something but I wouldn't understand that two incidents were to her the same thing, to me they were different if they happened in different places/with different people/at different times/on different days. And I had a lot of bad experiences at school being repeatedly punished by teachers for 'defiance' when I didn't actually understand what was going on. You said your kid doesn't understand she is doing something wrong - but is she actually doing something wrong or is she doing something that you don't understand? There is a tendency to assume that autistic meltdown behaviours are 'wrong' but that's negative and doesn't resolve what causes it, thus can't possibly stop it. All it can do is make the kid feel worse for doing something to make you upset.

It sounds to me like your daughter is trying to tell you something is really freaking her out or scaring her but she hasn't found a way yet to make you understand what that is. It may be that school is part of that as well. It certainly was for me, but because everyone always told me off, I didn't know how to explain how I felt to anyone. I just felt like a bad kid. Your daughter has only just been diagnosed, so she may already have experienced 'bad kid' mentality issues as well. 

I don't know your daughter so I may be way off the mark and feel free to ignore all or any of what I said. Just, as a person who has been that little screaming, kicking girl with autism, I really want to try and help you and your daughter going forward. Autistic kids have a lot of potential locked up inside of them, but you as her chief supporters are so integral to that process that the sooner you begin, the better.

I would much rather parents spoke to their kids about the issue before talking to other parents about it. Other parents are not your kid with autism. Unless you hear the kid's own concerns (if she is able to voice them), you are still only working on assumptions. Once you know how your kid feels, then you can go talk to other parents and compare notes...but if you just rely on non-autistic adults to tell you what to do, you won't ever get into the head of your autistic child, and that really needs to happen as early as possible so she can go on to live the best life she can (and so can you!).

Also, your daughter is herself. So her triggers, needs, issues will be somewhat unique to her and her situation.

Hi, Thanks for your reply. We have asked her why she gets so upset and she always says I don't know. Some of the words she uses sounded like "playground bully words". As school has broken up I will have to talk to her teacher after the holidays and see if maybe she is being bullied by some of the less understanding children. The counting to relax does sometimes work as does the cuddles to reassure her. We always knew she was different to her peers, however I would rather have 100 of her than some of the children around her. We have a very caring and helpful family, we are just having to relearn to parent as her older sibling does not have any learning difficulties. We are having a meeting in a couple of weeks with her Occupational Therapist at home and I think I have all bases covered, however if there is anything I should be asking her any suggestions would be great.