Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone.
This is the first time ive posted and im not sure if im putting it in the right place. I believe my new partner of 18 months has some form of Autism and now the school for his 15 year old think that his boy does too.
I feel truly truly awful writing this but im desperate. My nephew has Asbergers and he is a utterly wonderful 24year old so Autism doesnt scare me and neither should it. However, living with someone I believe is Autistic on some level is exhausting. I have a lot of health problems myself and am unable to work due to there severity and Rich helps me and is wonderful. But sometimes....its just not enough. Im soooo tired from explaining and breaking things down for him. He has meltdowns and anger issues (he denies). He doesnt lash out or swear but he gets so so so intense. He says hes just frustrated...which i understand especially if its autism. But...im looking and begging the internet for advice on how to be in this relationship. I dont want to give up on us or him but im just so exhausted from my own health let alone what feels like tiptoeing areound him. I dont want to resent him but unless i get help and guidance i fear thats whats going to happen.
Unfortunately the ending of a 22 year relationship only fuels my uncertainty of being with someone else. It just feels like such a uphill struggle for me. Rich is wonderful and is trying so hard to understand himself. We have seen a gp that basically laughed us out of his surgery as there is no way Rich could be Autistic as he can hold eye contact.
Please help with any advice you could offer. I HATE THAT THIS IS ABOUT ME AND NOT HIM!!!! But i need to acknowledge, I NEED HELP
Please forgive me if ive offended anyone.
Regards Moonchild
Hi
Firstly, im so sorry for the situation youre in.
I'd definitely seek a second opinion from another GP in the practice.
Ive two sons on the Spectrum and both can hold eye contact, so that means absoluely nothing and its ludicrous that a Dr should dismiss your concerns on that alone!
Take care
Hi Moonchild
There are a lot of other posts here from partners of people who are, or are suspected to be, autistic. Sorry you had such a bad experience with the GP, who it seems doesn't know much about autism. Some autistic people have problems with eye contact, some hold eye contact so you wouldn't know the difference. There are other recent threads on this forum about going for an assessment, and gathering evidence such as online screening tests. As you probably know, autism is partly inherited, so if his son is autistic, that is more evidence.
So does he acknowledge he needs stuff said to him explicitly and in detail? In which case you would be doing something valuable in the relationship by helping him understand. What do you think triggers the meltdowns? Why do you feel you are treading on eggshells?
I hope other people in a similar situation can respond here. My perspective is coming from the other side, as an autistic man.