Hi, I have joined this forum to see if maybe talking about the problems that I am experiencing will help, maybe someone else has had a similar experience etc.
So about my situation. I am grandfather to a three year old boy and about six months ago he was diagnosed with classic autism and they said at the severe end of the scale. Now six months is not very long and there is an awful lot to learn, also there was no history of autism in my family and so I was unprepared for it.
The little boy, I'll call him Johnny, is not my biggest problem. At three years old Johnny is lovely. He is beautiful, he smiles and laughs constantly and he loves cuddles. No the problem is his dad.
My daughter gets enormous support from her family, myself, her mum, grandmother, aunts and many of the older children but this is limited because her partner insists on living at a distance and collecting the children for the weekend or going up to babysit is a four hour round trip. We can only help so much. Dad doesn't help. He has just spent the weekend down here and he slept in bed till mid day, twice, like he's lucky that he doesn't have kids. Johnny has a four year old sister and a younger brother. My daughter has to look after them all on her own and she is exhausted.
When I talk to him about moving closer he says that there are no decent schools in this area. I get in touch with the local authority and find an excellent school and he points out that there is a power station nearby. I tell him that is ridiculous and there is no health risk and he says that they cannot consider moving until he can afford a detached house as it wouldn't be fair on the neighbours. It's madness! Except that it isn't, it's autism.
The doctor that provided the diagnosis for my grandson asked a lot of questions about dad's family history. This weekend we had our first open discussion about his autism and his father's. It has never been admitted in the family but it is coming out into the open now.
I can't expect people to be educated and understanding about little Johnny's autism if I can't understand his dad's situation and to help my daughter I have to gain dad's trust. It's all very difficult because it has all been a secret and it's all happening at once and I am just unprepared.
I should say that in many ways Dad is a good parent. He loves his children and they dote on him, he just doesn't help look after them. He has a good job and he is a good provider. He is my daughter's choice of partner and I think that he will be a good father, in his own way.
For now though, my daughter is dropping from exhaustion and all three children are suffering from a lack of attention because she can only do so much. So I try to figure it all out and help her. That's life.
Thanks for reading this.
