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Looking for reassurance

Amshep

I met the consultant at my autism service yesterday morning, which is the last part of my assessment. This meeting was 1-1 with him and he was really, really outgoing, which are two things that help me interact with others better (the other assessment parts had 2 people in there, and they were normally friendly and I feel like my social skills were much weaker there). I'm very clumsy at verbally explaining my problems etc so I'm already feeling *** about not being able to put my case across properly, but then the consultant also completely disputed my mental health diagnosis saying that he is not convinced I have what I'm diagnosed with, and that because of my history it's understandable I have problems dealing with/ expressing my emotions, so now I feel really confused about a lot of things. To top it off, at the end of the interview, the consultant made a comment about how when he looks at all my collated information from the whole assessment that he'll probably see some traits of autism, as if to say that many people have traits but that doesn't mean they're autistic.

Now I feel like I completely blew it. I need the diagnosis as a validation of my experiences and to help the people around me understand me and my problems. I'm waiting to get an appointment for the review meeting at which I'll be told whether I get a diagnosis, but I'm so scared that they'll refuse to diagnose me based on my meeting with the consultant, especially because I'm pretty high functioning and some of the more stereotypical signs of autism aren't very severe for me,  when I know in my heart that I'm on the spectrum...

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Hi Amshep,

    Well done! I hope that you find the community here as useful as I have. There is a lot to learn about autism/Aspergers and also a lot of different opinions and thoughts from people who are discovering what it means to them. People's reactions tend to split into those that are glad to be diagnosed but there are also people that really don't like having to have a diagnosis.

  • Thanks all for your messages - they genuinely made me feel a lot better. Well, although I was so scared and worried about having messed everything up, I got my diagnosis! It has been such a relief and lifted such an emotional weight off me - years of feeling inadequate in comparison to NTs brought on so much shame and guilt that has now been cleared. In a way I never thought I'd get here, but I couldn't be happier :)

  • @Quaker I felt exactly the same about having to convince the assesors due to so many people telling me in the past I couldn't possibly be autistic, but you're so right about just being yourself

  • Thanks recombinantsocks, I hadn't thought of it in that way - that makes a lot of sense.

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Well, I don't think that you have blown it at all. Difficulties with communciation are one of the classic autistic traits. It sounds to me that you may well get a diagnosis. Autism is just one part of the many personality and physical components that make up the unique person that is you. Although I have a diagnosis, I don't think of myself of being autistic but I do think of myself as having autism. It doesn't have to define you but you can't forget about it either.

    It is very common for people who have autism to get misdiagnosed with the incorrect mental health diagnosis. Our difficulties in communication ultimately cause MH problems but they also get in the way of a sensible consultation with a MH professional.

  • Hey Rizzo,

    Your message has been more reassuring that you think. That is exactly my problem also, I'm really bad at expressing myself verbally which is why I'm scared I was unable to express myself clearly enough for them to really understand what I was attempting to communicate. My mind also goes blank, which is a huge problem for me, but something that nobody ever understands.

    I'm glad you've figured out what's best for you, I guess I'll just need to wait until my review meeting to see what happens, and then see where I go from there.