Hi everyone!
I'm new to this forum, so apolgies if this is in the wrong place - I was just wondering if you could help me?
I’m becoming increasingly concerned about my mother who is now in her 70s. Her mind seems to work in a different way to everybody else I know and, as much as we love her, her actions have gradually been pushing myself and my brother away.
I’ve been reading a lot recently about Autism and Aspergers and having read many of the traits, have come to the conclusion she is a person with Aspergers.
I really want to help her in some way, so I’d like to share with you some of the traits, and would appreciate your thoughts as to whether you feel she is on the spectrum. I’m aware that some of these traits may be irrelevant, but want to share everything I have documented.
HYPOCHONDRIA
She visits her GP on a regular basis (almost weekly), and there always seems to be a new condition she is having investigated. Very often this turns out to be nothing.
REPETATIVE QUESTIONING
Even though we may have provided an answer in the past, she asks the same questions over and over again. A few weeks ago she asked my girlfriend the same question (for which she didn’t have a definitive answer) 4/5 times in the space of 20 minutes.
ROUTINE
She visits the same places over, and over again, and very rarely breaks out of her comfort zone. For example she seems to visit the local museum almost weekly. She very occasionally breaks this routine, but will soon enough migrate back to it.
DISTRACTED BY NOISES
This happens quite frequently. I’ll be trying to have a conversation on the phone to her, and she will be distracted by a noise in the background of where I am, and unable to focus on the conversation. This causes her interrupt me to ask what the noise in the background is. It could be anything from paper rustling, a tap running to the microwave beeping.
SABOTAGING HAPPY TIMES
My girlfriend and I recently became engaged and rather than being happy during what should be a time of celebration, she became increasingly worked up at how us getting married would impact her life. Likewise, on Christmas Eve 2015 she created a huge argument out of the blue about something I had done 2.5 months earlier in October (something very innocent I must add), which created a very awkward situation on Christmas Day.
OCD
Her house has always been exceptionally clean. Every item has it’s place, and she hates to see the tiniest spec of dust or dirt anywhere in her home.
UNABLE TO RELAX
She seems very unable to sit down and relax. If any of us pop round to see her she is always fussing in someway, wanting to make sure we have a drink, popping out of the room to get items to show us etc.
FORMAL SPEECH
She engages quite formally - especially on email. It’s difficult to have a relaxed conversation with her where the conversation just flows naturally. Others have likened a conversation with her to an interview.
POOR MOTOR SKILLS
She has had a couple of major trips - from tripping up stairs and escalators, to uneven ground.
VIVID MEMORY
She has a very vivid memory of things which have happened in the past, including conversations, especially when things haven’t quite gone her way and it has turned into an argument. Often the actual cause of the argument (something she has said) isn’t remembered.
PARANOIA
She seems very paranoid about everyday things and seems to make assumptions which aren’t true. Such as she thinks that I see my girlfriend’s mother more than I see her, which simply isn’t true. To the extremes where she also seemed to think I was going to sell her house and have her evicted.
INAPPROPRIATE COMMENTS
Sometime she comes out with comments which can hurt other people around her, without her realising. Again, this can happen quite often, and she admits that sometimes she says things “without thinking”.
SARCASM
She sometimes has trouble understanding sarcasm - either she thinks I’m being sarcastic when I’m not, or if I say something sarcastic she thinks I’m being serious.
LOOKING DISTANT
There’ll be times during group conversations where she looks very distant, as though she isn’t taking in what is being said.
NOT UNDERSTANDING FACIAL EXPRESSIONS
There have been a few times she has upset me and hasn’t recognised my facial expressions until it’s too late. There have also been other times she has accused me of making a certain facial expression when I haven’t.
NEEDING TO KNOW ARRANGEMENTS WAY IN ADVANCE
Over the past few years she has wanted to know arrangements for Christmas day as early as September/October.
UNABLE TO GO WITH THE FLOW
Her friend has told me about a time she suggested do something slightly different to what had been planned, and the suggestion was met with firm resistance.
VERY ORGANISED
From planning her own funeral, to holiday plans with military precision she has always been very organised. If she ever goes away on holiday I always in-depth memo containing dates/times/flight numbers, along with hotel address and contact details. Taxis will be booked weeks in advance.
TELLING THE SAME STORIES
There are a handful of stories which seems to come up in conversations again and again.
As I mentioned, I’m sure some of these notes will be irrelevant, but I wanted to paint the best picture I could.
Many thanks for your help in advance.