Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi. I'am a 29 year old male, I think im on the AS somewere but undiagnossed. I got diagnossed with dyslexia at age 24. I feel down about it tbh, I just cant doo other humans or small talk or backstabbing in the workplace. I get incredibly frustrated at work and Im always fearfull I let what I think of people out as in the past I called someone a corrupt c**t and got sacked. I think Im really tolerant but when someone winds me up I just cant bite my tongue. I feel quite misanthropic in outlook basically.
In my opinion im of average intelligence. I've been completely addicted to listening to music since I was about 12. I literally own thousands of records and when I was younger I seriously couldnt concentrate on anything other than whatever song I was addicted too. At one point I was a apprentice engineer but just couldnt concentrate on anything other than music, I got through my apprenticeship but couldnt stand the working envirmonment. However I cant play an instrument as I cant really keep it co-ordinated.
I feel as though im always the last one to understand a joke. My repsonses to stimuli are really poor (slow). I feel that I cant express myself at all. I cant write emotion messages on cards, participate in drama. I cant have a phonecall in the respect that I cant gauge when to come in.
I have a 2.1 BSc (hons) degree in music tech (engineering side) which in my final year I drove 85miles each way everyday to attend. Which I think represents me, complete commitment if Im into something, but doing it alone. The 85 mile drive was ace as I didnt have to small talk. I can completly amuse myself and hate new social situations
The only person I can look in the eyes of is my partner of 12 years. I hate it when people at work try to get eyecontact.
So after that massively long blurb........................................Does any one behave similar? I feel embarressed about going to see the GP, I dont like the whole why do you want I diagnosis thing. It would make me feel like an attention seeker. Has anyone been through this kind of thing?
Jon said:Possibly like you, I just want to understand why I am like I am. I need to have confidence in the diagnosis or non-diagnosis. I need the practitioner to also have confidence in the diagnosis or non-diagnosis.One thing to remember is that a diagnosis is sometimes partly dependent on:how well you are coping (employment, supportive partner)funding and available carewhat the practitioner deems to be the clinical threshold.At the end of the day though it is you who is left to cope (or not).
Possibly like you, I just want to understand why I am like I am. I need to have confidence in the diagnosis or non-diagnosis. I need the practitioner to also have confidence in the diagnosis or non-diagnosis.
One thing to remember is that a diagnosis is sometimes partly dependent on:
At the end of the day though it is you who is left to cope (or not).
This is the kind of thing that wories me. Mainly as people assume that because I have a long term relationship and have a job that I'm ok. What they don't realise is I would struggle to have relationships with the vast majority of females. I struggle to explain my feelings and I also struggle with my job. I have to be somewhat apathetic towards work otherwise I care too much and lose my temper. I can't manage more than about 18hrs a week, otherwise I'm constantly on the job hunt, needing to escape. This leads to poverty, poor health etc.
I can articulate myself to a ok level, but when I need to explain complex concepts I understand perfectly well I really struggle and tend to under acheive.
My local MHS said to my girlfriend for years that she was coping fine, but I after some complaining we found out she was a manic depressive taking the wrong drugs. So I'm always skeptical towards my local services. I think my local services of "if we don't acknowledge, we're not accountable" I understand they havn't got an unlimited budget, but I think sometimes having a correct diagnosis lets you understand yourself better, that in turn improves your health.
Good luck with you appointment Jon, I hope it goes well.