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Adult Diagnosis - Embarressed

Goatworshiper
over 12 years ago

Hi. I'am a 29 year old male, I think im on the AS somewere but undiagnossed. I got diagnossed with dyslexia at age 24. I feel down about it tbh, I just cant doo other humans or small talk or backstabbing in the workplace. I get incredibly frustrated at work and Im always fearfull I let what I think of people out as in the past I called someone a corrupt c**t and got sacked. I think Im really tolerant but when someone winds me up I just cant bite my tongue. I feel  quite misanthropic in outlook basically.

In my opinion im of average intelligence. I've been completely addicted to listening to music since I was about 12. I literally own thousands of records and when I was younger I seriously couldnt concentrate on anything other than whatever song I was addicted too. At one point I was a apprentice engineer but just couldnt concentrate on anything other than music, I got through my apprenticeship but couldnt stand the working envirmonment. However I cant play an instrument as I cant really keep it co-ordinated.

I feel as though im always the last one to understand a joke. My repsonses to stimuli are really poor (slow). I feel that I cant express myself at all. I cant write emotion messages on cards, participate in drama. I cant have a phonecall in the respect that I cant gauge when to come in.

I have a 2.1 BSc (hons) degree in music tech (engineering side) which in my final year I drove 85miles each way everyday to attend. Which I think represents me, complete commitment if Im into something, but doing it alone. The 85 mile drive was ace as I didnt have to small talk. I can completly amuse myself and hate new social situations

The only person I can look in the eyes of is my partner of 12 years. I hate it when people at work try to get eyecontact.

So after that massively long blurb........................................Does any one behave similar? I feel embarressed about going to see the GP, I dont like the whole why do you want I diagnosis thing. It  would make me feel like an attention seeker. Has anyone been through this kind of thing?

 

Parents
  • over 12 years ago

    Hi Goatworshiper,

    I have now got got a date for my Asperger (re)assesment in November.

    For me I am definately not going to rely on my verbal communicsation skills this time. Proir to the appointment i am going to forward them:

    • a completed AS and EQ form
    • detailed letter I gave to the doctor (13 pages of quite small text)
    • detailed annotated copy of previous assesment report (On reading it I realised that most of my answers left out the relevant facts - I have maybe become too good at camouflaging?)
    • notes from recent CBT sessions.
    • notes of a 'meeting' between my girlfriend and my parents. Previously my parents had filled in a developmental questionnaire that describes me as a 'perfect and normal child'. This quite contradicts my own experience and makes me question what their perception of 'normal' is. I am not in contact with my parents myself.
    • Notes/diary/thoughts from the last few months.

    Possibly like you, I just want to understand why I am like I am. I need to have confidence in the diagnosis or non-diagnosis. I need the practitioner to also have confidence in the diagnosis or non-diagnosis.

    One thing to remember is that a diagnosis is sometimes partly dependent on:

    • how well you are coping (employment, supportive partner)
    • funding and available care
    • what the practitioner deems to be the clinical threshold.

    At the end of the day though it is you who is left to cope (or not).

    I wish that it was possible to just download the contents of your head and they could look at that Wink

    .....anyway, good luck Smile

Reply
  • over 12 years ago

    Hi Goatworshiper,

    I have now got got a date for my Asperger (re)assesment in November.

    For me I am definately not going to rely on my verbal communicsation skills this time. Proir to the appointment i am going to forward them:

    • a completed AS and EQ form
    • detailed letter I gave to the doctor (13 pages of quite small text)
    • detailed annotated copy of previous assesment report (On reading it I realised that most of my answers left out the relevant facts - I have maybe become too good at camouflaging?)
    • notes from recent CBT sessions.
    • notes of a 'meeting' between my girlfriend and my parents. Previously my parents had filled in a developmental questionnaire that describes me as a 'perfect and normal child'. This quite contradicts my own experience and makes me question what their perception of 'normal' is. I am not in contact with my parents myself.
    • Notes/diary/thoughts from the last few months.

    Possibly like you, I just want to understand why I am like I am. I need to have confidence in the diagnosis or non-diagnosis. I need the practitioner to also have confidence in the diagnosis or non-diagnosis.

    One thing to remember is that a diagnosis is sometimes partly dependent on:

    • how well you are coping (employment, supportive partner)
    • funding and available care
    • what the practitioner deems to be the clinical threshold.

    At the end of the day though it is you who is left to cope (or not).

    I wish that it was possible to just download the contents of your head and they could look at that Wink

    .....anyway, good luck Smile

Children
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