Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi. I'am a 29 year old male, I think im on the AS somewere but undiagnossed. I got diagnossed with dyslexia at age 24. I feel down about it tbh, I just cant doo other humans or small talk or backstabbing in the workplace. I get incredibly frustrated at work and Im always fearfull I let what I think of people out as in the past I called someone a corrupt c**t and got sacked. I think Im really tolerant but when someone winds me up I just cant bite my tongue. I feel quite misanthropic in outlook basically.
In my opinion im of average intelligence. I've been completely addicted to listening to music since I was about 12. I literally own thousands of records and when I was younger I seriously couldnt concentrate on anything other than whatever song I was addicted too. At one point I was a apprentice engineer but just couldnt concentrate on anything other than music, I got through my apprenticeship but couldnt stand the working envirmonment. However I cant play an instrument as I cant really keep it co-ordinated.
I feel as though im always the last one to understand a joke. My repsonses to stimuli are really poor (slow). I feel that I cant express myself at all. I cant write emotion messages on cards, participate in drama. I cant have a phonecall in the respect that I cant gauge when to come in.
I have a 2.1 BSc (hons) degree in music tech (engineering side) which in my final year I drove 85miles each way everyday to attend. Which I think represents me, complete commitment if Im into something, but doing it alone. The 85 mile drive was ace as I didnt have to small talk. I can completly amuse myself and hate new social situations
The only person I can look in the eyes of is my partner of 12 years. I hate it when people at work try to get eyecontact.
So after that massively long blurb........................................Does any one behave similar? I feel embarressed about going to see the GP, I dont like the whole why do you want I diagnosis thing. It would make me feel like an attention seeker. Has anyone been through this kind of thing?
The last two E Mails.
Goatworshiper
Are you saying that you do not want a meeting unless you have a label of Autism?
Well some people do not want to have a label.
It just meant that I was different without falling into any category.
I remember in 1990 the family therapist was even reluctant to tell my Parents that my medical records show a diagnoses of Asperger Syndrome.
She did not want to tell me as I might trade on it.
What is the point of diagnosing people if they do not tell the Autistic person?
I think they always do now.
At that time there was a separate related issue.
I was on an Employment Training Scheme and there was a GRAND MEETING IN SEPTEMBER 1990 over twenty years ago to justify why they could not help me or give me an extension.
There was a grand meeting of my Parents and a colleague of the Family Therapist and me and the staff of the training scheme That meant at that meeting there were a lot of people in the room who knew I had Asperger Syndrome but I did not know.
I think the argument should have been used for letting me stay on the Scheme that I have a recognised disability.
It probably would not have made any difference.
The young manager of the scheme thought all along I was not disabled so should not be on the scheme. He told me that the scheme was for physically disabled people mentally ill people and people with learning difficulties so I do not fit in to a category.
The older manager thought I was disabled by my personality and he said that early on.
He told my Father that my most important problem is getting on with other people as he used to speak to my Father on the phone.
He told my Mother sadly that he could have helped me if I was dim.
In other words I was too intellegent for the scheme.
(Sadly the young manager has since died of lung cancer in his fifties.
More sadly my Father died six years ago so at least two people at that meeting are no longer alive. I was thirty three at that meeting.)
He smoked a lot.)
I do not know if I would have fitted into a category on the scheme if we had all known that I had Asperger Syndrome.
I think my Parents were informed by the family therapist a few weeks before that meeting but to this day over twenty years ago I think it should have been mentioned at that meeting that I have Asperger Syndrome but it was not.
David
T