Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi. I'am a 29 year old male, I think im on the AS somewere but undiagnossed. I got diagnossed with dyslexia at age 24. I feel down about it tbh, I just cant doo other humans or small talk or backstabbing in the workplace. I get incredibly frustrated at work and Im always fearfull I let what I think of people out as in the past I called someone a corrupt c**t and got sacked. I think Im really tolerant but when someone winds me up I just cant bite my tongue. I feel quite misanthropic in outlook basically.
In my opinion im of average intelligence. I've been completely addicted to listening to music since I was about 12. I literally own thousands of records and when I was younger I seriously couldnt concentrate on anything other than whatever song I was addicted too. At one point I was a apprentice engineer but just couldnt concentrate on anything other than music, I got through my apprenticeship but couldnt stand the working envirmonment. However I cant play an instrument as I cant really keep it co-ordinated.
I feel as though im always the last one to understand a joke. My repsonses to stimuli are really poor (slow). I feel that I cant express myself at all. I cant write emotion messages on cards, participate in drama. I cant have a phonecall in the respect that I cant gauge when to come in.
I have a 2.1 BSc (hons) degree in music tech (engineering side) which in my final year I drove 85miles each way everyday to attend. Which I think represents me, complete commitment if Im into something, but doing it alone. The 85 mile drive was ace as I didnt have to small talk. I can completly amuse myself and hate new social situations
The only person I can look in the eyes of is my partner of 12 years. I hate it when people at work try to get eyecontact.
So after that massively long blurb........................................Does any one behave similar? I feel embarressed about going to see the GP, I dont like the whole why do you want I diagnosis thing. It would make me feel like an attention seeker. Has anyone been through this kind of thing?
In many situations it is good to know your diagnoses and to accept it.
However when I was nine at the Maudsley the Psychiatrist recommended a Special School for Autisstic Children. That is 1966 nearly fifty years ago.
My Mother did not believe I was Autistic and did not send me to an Autistic School.
I went back to the Local Primiary I had left when I was five years old.
I was quite happy there.
When I went on to Secondary School I was unhappy.
The Head Mistress recommended a Private Grammar School as I nearly passed the Eleven Plus.
At the first Secondary School I went to they did not only hit me for offenses like not paying attention in class. Two of the Masters actually told me that my Parents should hit me more and told my Parents that as well.
They also complained about my Mother helping me with my Homework.
On one occasion I was sent to the Head Master for getting help with my Geometry.
I got it all right at home but could not do it in class.
I said to the Head Master that the French Master gives no sermons about getting help with Homework. He was furious and said he would put me accross the table and cane me.
He wrote a letter to my Mother saying it is impossible to treat me as a normal boy and I should be in a special school. This letter is in my Geometry Book which I still have
Shortly after that I left that school and went to College.
At College I got six O Levels and 2 A Levels but no English so that made it more difficult to get jobs.
The question must be asked Would it really have been better if I had gone to a Special School? That might have happened if my Mother had accepted that I was Autistic.
I think at that Autistic School the children cannot even speak properly.
I do not think there was a school for High Functioning Autistic children..
Being in Denyal might have been a good thing.
David.
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