Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi. I'am a 29 year old male, I think im on the AS somewere but undiagnossed. I got diagnossed with dyslexia at age 24. I feel down about it tbh, I just cant doo other humans or small talk or backstabbing in the workplace. I get incredibly frustrated at work and Im always fearfull I let what I think of people out as in the past I called someone a corrupt c**t and got sacked. I think Im really tolerant but when someone winds me up I just cant bite my tongue. I feel quite misanthropic in outlook basically.
In my opinion im of average intelligence. I've been completely addicted to listening to music since I was about 12. I literally own thousands of records and when I was younger I seriously couldnt concentrate on anything other than whatever song I was addicted too. At one point I was a apprentice engineer but just couldnt concentrate on anything other than music, I got through my apprenticeship but couldnt stand the working envirmonment. However I cant play an instrument as I cant really keep it co-ordinated.
I feel as though im always the last one to understand a joke. My repsonses to stimuli are really poor (slow). I feel that I cant express myself at all. I cant write emotion messages on cards, participate in drama. I cant have a phonecall in the respect that I cant gauge when to come in.
I have a 2.1 BSc (hons) degree in music tech (engineering side) which in my final year I drove 85miles each way everyday to attend. Which I think represents me, complete commitment if Im into something, but doing it alone. The 85 mile drive was ace as I didnt have to small talk. I can completly amuse myself and hate new social situations
The only person I can look in the eyes of is my partner of 12 years. I hate it when people at work try to get eyecontact.
So after that massively long blurb........................................Does any one behave similar? I feel embarressed about going to see the GP, I dont like the whole why do you want I diagnosis thing. It would make me feel like an attention seeker. Has anyone been through this kind of thing?
Went to this appointment this morning. They have refferred me to see an "Autism Expert". The people I saw said they believed "I may have Autism" so they had no quarms about getting me refferred. They said it may take two appointments to get a diagnosis and it will take about 6 weeks for my first, letter to follow in the post. The people I saw I already knew as my GF is a service user and they seemed to think what I was telling them was within the framework of what they already thought. In a sense I think they thought I autism but didnt express it. I actually really like the lady that I saw, she has the correct proprtion of being professional and personal.
They did say if I got a diagnosis they probably wouldnt offer me any support, but they would keep me on file and I could access services direct rather than through the GP. In all honesty I just want to understand myself a bit more at this stage, one of the main things I want from a diagnosis is liquid medicine when required.
I felt ill going in, but great coming out. Quite bizarre.