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newly diagnosed son

hibbsy

Hello there, we are new to this forum and we are looking for help and support that anyone can give please.

Our 11 year old son has just been diagnosed with a-typical autism.He also has a speech and language problem, dyslexia (which we have known about for a couple of years) and a severe anxiety problem.

He has had a severe melt down at school as he is struggling with the pressures of the impending SATS tests this year and feels inadequate against his peers. He does have CAMHS involvement, SENCO support, and we are liasing with an educational psychologist, but we are stunned at this new autism diagnosis and struggling to come to terms with both that, and our sons low self esteem, awful anxiety issues and very low state of mind, it really is heartbreaking and we are struggling to know how to support him best. He has constant outbursts and meltdowns, can be rather aggressive at times, followed by tears upon tears and then becomes withdrawn and negative.

We are completely exhausted and concerned about the future and how we are going to get through this. Any help and advice would be so gratefully recieved!

Parents

  • You say that children tend to tease him as his reactions are so extreme they enjoy the show.

    I'm afraid it is very familiar ground for me - I was good entertainment. But though I cannot say my experience was the same as your son's, with me it was the end result of a drawn out process. I could be wound up to perform, but it took time. But children are good at spotting weakness and working on it, and they'll pursue the end result with patience and tenacity. I've never really had problems with meltdowns since school; I've always subsequently found a quiet place and the right moment. I know its not so easy for many others on the spectrum.

    I venture to suggest that it is not instantaneous response to an immediate cause, but the last straw in a continuum of hurts received by someone with heightened sensitivity and a narrower coping bandwidth.

    So please stop and think about the psychological effects of the step as a punishment, seeing your husband getting angry with him. Try to look at things from his perspective. Think of days when you've been pushed to the end of your tether, and then try to imagine if you were more sensitive and less able to cope, being at the end of your tether was permanent.

    Its about having difficulty communicating and understanding other people. So you don't get the release that social interactions can offer. You have to analyse every situation to find a safe passage, and that leads to spiralling anxiety, every daily situation that you'd get over and forget about spiralling round and round in your head. There's no let up every minute of the day.

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  • You say that children tend to tease him as his reactions are so extreme they enjoy the show.

    I'm afraid it is very familiar ground for me - I was good entertainment. But though I cannot say my experience was the same as your son's, with me it was the end result of a drawn out process. I could be wound up to perform, but it took time. But children are good at spotting weakness and working on it, and they'll pursue the end result with patience and tenacity. I've never really had problems with meltdowns since school; I've always subsequently found a quiet place and the right moment. I know its not so easy for many others on the spectrum.

    I venture to suggest that it is not instantaneous response to an immediate cause, but the last straw in a continuum of hurts received by someone with heightened sensitivity and a narrower coping bandwidth.

    So please stop and think about the psychological effects of the step as a punishment, seeing your husband getting angry with him. Try to look at things from his perspective. Think of days when you've been pushed to the end of your tether, and then try to imagine if you were more sensitive and less able to cope, being at the end of your tether was permanent.

    Its about having difficulty communicating and understanding other people. So you don't get the release that social interactions can offer. You have to analyse every situation to find a safe passage, and that leads to spiralling anxiety, every daily situation that you'd get over and forget about spiralling round and round in your head. There's no let up every minute of the day.

Children
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