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newly diagnosed son

hibbsy

Hello there, we are new to this forum and we are looking for help and support that anyone can give please.

Our 11 year old son has just been diagnosed with a-typical autism.He also has a speech and language problem, dyslexia (which we have known about for a couple of years) and a severe anxiety problem.

He has had a severe melt down at school as he is struggling with the pressures of the impending SATS tests this year and feels inadequate against his peers. He does have CAMHS involvement, SENCO support, and we are liasing with an educational psychologist, but we are stunned at this new autism diagnosis and struggling to come to terms with both that, and our sons low self esteem, awful anxiety issues and very low state of mind, it really is heartbreaking and we are struggling to know how to support him best. He has constant outbursts and meltdowns, can be rather aggressive at times, followed by tears upon tears and then becomes withdrawn and negative.

We are completely exhausted and concerned about the future and how we are going to get through this. Any help and advice would be so gratefully recieved!

Parents

  • Hi there.

    What's really rubbish about this whole thing is that the school places such an emphasis on SATS. This puts all the pressure on your son, in terms of his expectations on himself, and also means that for several months, there's no getting away from it. Without all that he would be much calmer and not feel he has to prove his academic success.

    However, that's not the case, so it's not easy, I agree to explain that he won't be doing the exams. I guess this may therefore be tied up with how you approach the whole Aspergers thing with him. Ironically I can't help here. I built myself up for talking to our son about it and when it came to it, he just looked at me and said, oh yes, Mr X at school told me I had that! It's not something he talks about very much, but every now and again he'll ask a question about what it really means, how it affects him or how it makes him different to other people.

    It might be a way forward, I suppose, to talk to him just casually about difference, and maybe use the dyslexia as a starting point. That everyone is different and everyone is good at some things and struggle with others. Does he know / understand about what happened when he had his breakdown? Could that be an explanation as to why he's not doing SATS this time - that you don't want him to become ill again???

    It's really hard, I think, finding out (even if you knew it anyway) just how much your child is struggling or is behind, or how much support they really need. I find it washes right over and through you, this realisation of what life must be like for them. So, I empathise with how you must feel right now.

    Not sure what else to say just now, except take it a day at a time and I hope things will slowly improve for you.

    All the best,

    H x

Reply

  • Hi there.

    What's really rubbish about this whole thing is that the school places such an emphasis on SATS. This puts all the pressure on your son, in terms of his expectations on himself, and also means that for several months, there's no getting away from it. Without all that he would be much calmer and not feel he has to prove his academic success.

    However, that's not the case, so it's not easy, I agree to explain that he won't be doing the exams. I guess this may therefore be tied up with how you approach the whole Aspergers thing with him. Ironically I can't help here. I built myself up for talking to our son about it and when it came to it, he just looked at me and said, oh yes, Mr X at school told me I had that! It's not something he talks about very much, but every now and again he'll ask a question about what it really means, how it affects him or how it makes him different to other people.

    It might be a way forward, I suppose, to talk to him just casually about difference, and maybe use the dyslexia as a starting point. That everyone is different and everyone is good at some things and struggle with others. Does he know / understand about what happened when he had his breakdown? Could that be an explanation as to why he's not doing SATS this time - that you don't want him to become ill again???

    It's really hard, I think, finding out (even if you knew it anyway) just how much your child is struggling or is behind, or how much support they really need. I find it washes right over and through you, this realisation of what life must be like for them. So, I empathise with how you must feel right now.

    Not sure what else to say just now, except take it a day at a time and I hope things will slowly improve for you.

    All the best,

    H x

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