newly diagnosed son

Hi There,

We do understand exactly how you are feeling as like you, although we knew for years that something "wasn't right" with our son, we just couldn't put our finger on it. We spoke to drs, health visitor, playschool teachers, class teachers, you name it....we spoke to them! We were told we were anxious parents, that our son was lazy, that our son was a "typical boy, who won't push himself"......on and on it went. We have fought tooth and nail to get him assessed, and i have to say having CAMHS (child and adolescent mental health team) on board has been and continues to be an absolute godsend, they only came on board because my son had a breakdown a couple of years ago due to the stress of working so hard at school, and being aware that he wasnt up there with his peers. It was them who pushed for the autism testing, and them who did the testing and to be honest, because we thought we already had the diagnosis of dyslexia, speech and language disorder and anxiety, we really thought we were doing it to rule out autism.....we were stunned that it came back  telling us he is in fact autistic! Like you, we are shocked and just don't know where we go from here. Here is a few things we have done, and i hope it is helpfull to you..

We both work voluntary at my son's school i am a voluntary classroom assistant...not in my sons class...  and my husband is a school governor (our motto is if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, and if they can see that you are willing to work with them and set up some kind of relationship with them, then it becomes a bit easier to approach them with problems. It has given us a good insight into the running of the school, the atmosphere there, and a chance to be a fly on the wall!) not sure if that is a possibility for you but we have found they are less frosty towards us now and just that bit more approachable.

If you don't have CAMHS on board then i would look into that, either through your dr or the educational psychologist. No-one is suggesting that your son has a mental health issue, but it does help with both my son's anxiety and as a support network for us parents too.

As for the secondary school, i would suggest you arrange a meeting with the headteacher now, is that possible?  also if they have a SENCO teacher, i would ask for them to be in on the meeting, and really try to work on making that transition smooth to alleviate the stress. Our son is now going to be going over to the secondary school with the class teacher he has now. She is going to be going with him to show him around, to sit in a few lessons with him, to help him to form a relationship with the learning support teachers, and this is going to be starting around april time, and be ongoing until he moves up there in september. Us parents are also going in next week to meet the staff and have a chat with them. do you know who the Educational Psychologist is for your son's secondary school? Is there any way you could be put in touch with them now, to work through what is going to be put in place?

As for coming to terms with it, well i'm afraid that is just so hard, both me and my husband cry still, we worry for the future, and just feel so sad...it's like we are swimming in mud, trying to keep above the surface, just so hard! We look at those baby and toddler photo's of him as a smiling, cheeky fun loving boy with a huge zest for life and i just feel heartbroken at the moment at what he is going through. I just have to believe that it does get easier, and cling on to that hope....it is literally one day at a time for us, that's all we can do really.

I hope i haven't gone on too much and that this has been helpfull for you. I send you my very best wishes

Hi There,

We do understand exactly how you are feeling as like you, although we knew for years that something "wasn't right" with our son, we just couldn't put our finger on it. We spoke to drs, health visitor, playschool teachers, class teachers, you name it....we spoke to them! We were told we were anxious parents, that our son was lazy, that our son was a "typical boy, who won't push himself"......on and on it went. We have fought tooth and nail to get him assessed, and i have to say having CAMHS (child and adolescent mental health team) on board has been and continues to be an absolute godsend, they only came on board because my son had a breakdown a couple of years ago due to the stress of working so hard at school, and being aware that he wasnt up there with his peers. It was them who pushed for the autism testing, and them who did the testing and to be honest, because we thought we already had the diagnosis of dyslexia, speech and language disorder and anxiety, we really thought we were doing it to rule out autism.....we were stunned that it came back  telling us he is in fact autistic! Like you, we are shocked and just don't know where we go from here. Here is a few things we have done, and i hope it is helpfull to you..

We both work voluntary at my son's school i am a voluntary classroom assistant...not in my sons class...  and my husband is a school governor (our motto is if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, and if they can see that you are willing to work with them and set up some kind of relationship with them, then it becomes a bit easier to approach them with problems. It has given us a good insight into the running of the school, the atmosphere there, and a chance to be a fly on the wall!) not sure if that is a possibility for you but we have found they are less frosty towards us now and just that bit more approachable.

If you don't have CAMHS on board then i would look into that, either through your dr or the educational psychologist. No-one is suggesting that your son has a mental health issue, but it does help with both my son's anxiety and as a support network for us parents too.

As for the secondary school, i would suggest you arrange a meeting with the headteacher now, is that possible?  also if they have a SENCO teacher, i would ask for them to be in on the meeting, and really try to work on making that transition smooth to alleviate the stress. Our son is now going to be going over to the secondary school with the class teacher he has now. She is going to be going with him to show him around, to sit in a few lessons with him, to help him to form a relationship with the learning support teachers, and this is going to be starting around april time, and be ongoing until he moves up there in september. Us parents are also going in next week to meet the staff and have a chat with them. do you know who the Educational Psychologist is for your son's secondary school? Is there any way you could be put in touch with them now, to work through what is going to be put in place?

As for coming to terms with it, well i'm afraid that is just so hard, both me and my husband cry still, we worry for the future, and just feel so sad...it's like we are swimming in mud, trying to keep above the surface, just so hard! We look at those baby and toddler photo's of him as a smiling, cheeky fun loving boy with a huge zest for life and i just feel heartbroken at the moment at what he is going through. I just have to believe that it does get easier, and cling on to that hope....it is literally one day at a time for us, that's all we can do really.

I hope i haven't gone on too much and that this has been helpfull for you. I send you my very best wishes