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newly diagnosed son

hibbsy

Hello there, we are new to this forum and we are looking for help and support that anyone can give please.

Our 11 year old son has just been diagnosed with a-typical autism.He also has a speech and language problem, dyslexia (which we have known about for a couple of years) and a severe anxiety problem.

He has had a severe melt down at school as he is struggling with the pressures of the impending SATS tests this year and feels inadequate against his peers. He does have CAMHS involvement, SENCO support, and we are liasing with an educational psychologist, but we are stunned at this new autism diagnosis and struggling to come to terms with both that, and our sons low self esteem, awful anxiety issues and very low state of mind, it really is heartbreaking and we are struggling to know how to support him best. He has constant outbursts and meltdowns, can be rather aggressive at times, followed by tears upon tears and then becomes withdrawn and negative.

We are completely exhausted and concerned about the future and how we are going to get through this. Any help and advice would be so gratefully recieved!

Parents

  • Glad to hear you're living somewhere so nice. I love Derbyshire!

    I really don't know what to suggest re the melt downs and the low self esteem. It sounds like you're doing all the right things already. Our daughter also loves her brother but can come off a bit worse for wear sometimes and we can't let it pass. He gets really stroppy when we speak to him about it - but is getting better. On the whole we try to teach him that as long as he reacts appropriately - as it listens and tries to take in what we're saying, then we won't be cross, but we do need to let him know about what he's done. We tell him that if he doesn't listen to us or try to take it in, then we will be cross and this will lead to more trouble for him, and us cancelling a privelidge, such as computer time or tv etc. Really we're trying to teach him how to respond and over a long time there has been improvement.

    I remember when he was about 4 or 5 I was really quite frightened of his outbursts and the way he kicked and screamed. This went on for quite some time until I realised I was avoiding confrontation with him and it was affecting my relationship with him. I decided I had to try to get through to him, which I wasn't doing, and hang the consequences - I would just deal with it. This worked for me and we now have a good relationship and I feel that most of the time I can make a connection with him. I don't like his temper, but am not so scared of it. I think he's also more secure because we're trying to get through to him and we have tighter boundaries for him.

    Sorry, that's a bit of a woffle, but it really does sound like you're doing a great job. I just hope things improve for you and you all come out the other end stronger.

Reply

  • Glad to hear you're living somewhere so nice. I love Derbyshire!

    I really don't know what to suggest re the melt downs and the low self esteem. It sounds like you're doing all the right things already. Our daughter also loves her brother but can come off a bit worse for wear sometimes and we can't let it pass. He gets really stroppy when we speak to him about it - but is getting better. On the whole we try to teach him that as long as he reacts appropriately - as it listens and tries to take in what we're saying, then we won't be cross, but we do need to let him know about what he's done. We tell him that if he doesn't listen to us or try to take it in, then we will be cross and this will lead to more trouble for him, and us cancelling a privelidge, such as computer time or tv etc. Really we're trying to teach him how to respond and over a long time there has been improvement.

    I remember when he was about 4 or 5 I was really quite frightened of his outbursts and the way he kicked and screamed. This went on for quite some time until I realised I was avoiding confrontation with him and it was affecting my relationship with him. I decided I had to try to get through to him, which I wasn't doing, and hang the consequences - I would just deal with it. This worked for me and we now have a good relationship and I feel that most of the time I can make a connection with him. I don't like his temper, but am not so scared of it. I think he's also more secure because we're trying to get through to him and we have tighter boundaries for him.

    Sorry, that's a bit of a woffle, but it really does sound like you're doing a great job. I just hope things improve for you and you all come out the other end stronger.

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