Hi. I am almost 50. I was dxed last year. I never fuctioned after age 14, so I was on disability, but no one knew why. I was forced to live the NT world and failed at everything I did. Was beaten up a lot, abused, and failed at everything but I had my own world view and my special interents.
Well, last year a lady was texting and him me ont he highway. I was hurt bad and had disfuguring facial injuries. the ONLY thing I ever had connecting me to the NT world was being able to smile. That went BYE BYE. Now I have no connection.
I couldn't walk and i used to run marathons to help with anxiety. My eyes were injured from the airbag, soI could not read, which was a speical interest and my jaw was injured and I already could only eat about 5 foods. Also a TBI which I did not need on top of autism.
So I tried to kill myself, of course. Who would not? The accident was specifically designed to torture an Autistic. That is when the psych sent me to an autism clinic. Sure enough.
This about killed me. I have rages now, rages of how could my parents not know? I found on an old record that I had the dx of PDD long ago. Then I became furious and violent. Everything I went through, the abuse the bullying the special classes and psychologists calling me everything from borderline to anorexia things i never even had!!
I was happy thinking I had a TBI because then I thought maybe God had pity on me and damaged my brain to make things easier for me and my parents now but no......the head injury is better. It's all the autism.
I am about a hair away from suicide every day. I had a therapist but the last 35 years of living hell, and the ways I tried to square that, the world view I built up around that, the theologyof suffering, the philosophies of suffering......all for nothoing.
I am upset even writing aboutit.