Hi, I've just been knocked back for the third time for referral to get a diagnosis, apparently because I don't have any co-morbidity. Does anyone know what is meant by this?
I am a forty-five year old woman and I have suspected I have Aspergers for a long while but I've always been able to cope and work full time until recently. Working has always been difficult but I can do a very job of nearly pretending to be normal. I always think it's like everyone being born with a car they instinctively know how to drive but I didn't get a manual so I just copy everyone else and I'm always thinking the equivalent of "mirrors, signal, manoeuvre" for every social interaction.
My last contract came to an end in April and for the first time I'm having panic attacks at the thought of going back into an office. I'm finding it hard even to get out of the house and I've even cancelled checkups at the diabetic clinic because I can't face all the people - I've had type 1 diabetes since I was fourteen so I've had to get used to a lot of poking and prodding by medical types.
My partner of thirty years has serious mental health issues herself and hasn't worked for the last fifteen years. Her mother died this year after a very fraught relationship, she has siblings but they stay well away so she only has me to support her which I find very exhausting. She has no support from mental health services either despite having recurring suicidal depressions, probably because I always manage to hang on until she's back on an even keel so we never call the emergency services.
I don't know what to do to get help, nobody that knows me thinks I have a problem because I'm so good at faking it, even down to remembering to make eye contact and smile. But none of my coping strategies are working any more and I'm having recurring thoughts of how lovely and peaceful and quiet it would be to be dead. The only way I can stop them is to violently punch myself in the head until the pain becomes sufficiently distracting. I'm telling all this to my GP, I've been signed off for depression for the last three months and the last time I saw her I took the AQ10 with a score of nine and a print out of the relevant bits from the NICE website helpfully highlighted, and I still can't get a referral to get the diagnosis to get the support I need to get back to work. I've tried so hard to keep us both going and not be too much of a burden on the NHS but now I need help there's nobody there at all.
