Received my diagnosis

OLOP said:

Hi everyone.

A week ago I attended my assessment and have been diagnosed as high functioning autistic. I am trying to come to terms with my diagnosis and am currently very angry at the decades I feel I have wasted exhausting myself to the point of breakdown struggling to fit in to the world of work and life when I didnt stand a chance. The diagnosis changes nothing though, I still have to work, every day put on the "normal" mask, escape to the toilet every couple of hours to silently scream, get home completely exhausted and too tired to prepare a meal. The thought of going back to work is making me completely despair

Were you able to share this with the assessor. I hadn't worked for a decade when I was assessed & so I was unable to share how it made me feel. But in your situation you could have told them. That could go on your diagnosis letter. Which could help if you feel you can't stand it anymore. No one should have to feel that way. Allegedly most people feel better if they work. That's clearly not the case for you. I also felt cheated that I was not diagnosed until late in life, 31. I grieve for all the years I was forced to fit in. And my best efforts still resulting in being called freak. Then later when I failed at work & had to claim benefit, I was labelled scrounger by my own family.