Hi,
Can anyone please help? I'm going to request an assessment for Asperger's tomorrow from my GP. I am female and for over 20 years I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression from around 4 years. Growing up I found social interaction very difficult; I was withdrawn, barely smiled (my school pictures are very serious facial expressions, despite thinking I was smiling at the time), preferred to be alone as I found 'mixing' hard and birthday parties unbearable. I behaved inappropriately in some ways and was alone a lot due to my parents' alcoholism so have always just said 'yeah, it's the anxiety', but this just doesn't seem right. I did always excel in school, despite constant truancy due to my mother's alcoholism and caring for her.
I still struggle socially, mainly knowing how to interact. I feel alien and always put it down to anxiety, but now I feel there must be more. I twist my wrists and shoulderblades and contort my face around the eye area, but put it down to some kind of OCD. I like some change, but spent several years of my life having to be home before 3pm or I'd get really agitated. I avoided social encounters at all costs. I have no friends I can socialise with and find intimate relationships hard work. I don't know how to show emotion to people other than 'aww' and struggle with small talk. Eye contact is a struggle too, I tend to stare or not at all. When I was younger I remember times when I didn't pick up on sarcasm and would reply with something that totally ended the conversation.
Because I have contended with anorexia, parental alcoholism and anxiety I have just assumed I'm a bit 'neurotic' and like order due to growing up in a dysfunctional household, but the struggle I have seems more than anxiety. There's not really any good days where I feel confident interacting, I just feel like this all of the time, even with my partner and mother. If I enjoy a topic I can talk about it if I feel comfortable enough. I've always been described as shy or aloof, no matter how much I try to contribute.
I know there's a lot of crossovers with other conditions, but surely I can't have just been dealing with anxiety all this time?
