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Advice on my friend's son - possible autism and drug abuse

id665310

I'm making these enquiries on behalf of a female friend. I've known her a year and seen her 26-year-old son several times. He does not have a diagnosis but we think he may have some neurological atypicality which has been worsened by his use of strong 'Skunk' marijuana. My friend thinks he began to act differently after an MMR jab, which is I suppose blowing on embers of an old controversy. He is very rude - I've never seen an adult call his own mother the 'c' word _while_ extracting money from her that she doesn't realistically have. He is quick to aggression, verbally, but has tunnel vision about his wants, and will cycle these wants verbally. He had obtained much money from his mother's savings, and many friends have tried to dissuade her from her enabling behaviour. The thing is there has been much police involvement - he was was arrested recently for making threats. But nothing ever leads to professional assessment. How can an assessment be obtained? What sort of information is there about marijuana use and autism? It would be horrible for him to go on in loops of damaging behaviour if an assessment could bring about improvements, but my friend seems to see no way to bridge to an assessment. A GP has been obstructive for example. Without an assessment we don't know if my friend's son is having a license to be dreadful because of a merely suspected difference.

This posting is intended to help both my friend and her son if there can be a way forward. I do wonder though if the drug use is going to be an obstacle, though it may be that the possibility of a diagnosis may help his current concern which is an approaching homelessness - his behaviour has got him thrown out of other places.

My friend is clearly very seriously worn out, which I've seen for a year, and I'm trying to talk her into overdue counselling. She and her son are currently not speaking, with police involvement. It may seem harsh but it has been necessary. I suspect with the right help things could blow over in time and become healthy, but my friend has rightly put herself first. She has survived cancer and has another serious and debilitating illness of her own to contend with. She is very far from selfish, and her former career involved at times near-selflessness and to make efforts that pretty much worsened her health.

I have changed some details to protect identity. I am aware that this forum will be used by diagnosed people also and I hope I have not caused offence and I would hope that as prickly as things are my good intentions are clear - I would think there are autistic people who are glad that help has brought them away from dysfunctional situations.

Many thanks for any assistance.

  • I know that people (with or without autism) who use large amounts of skunk cannabis can be adversely affected by it.  It can have a detrimental impact on the behaviour of the person.

    Skunk has a habit of doing the same thing that alcohol does, it lowers inhibitions, and brings the real personality to the fore.  The person under the influence of cannabis will find it more difficult to be bothered to limit their behaviours. 

    Also,  I know autism comes along with a set of recognised traits,  but these traits are just that.  They're not the personality of the person.  There are people with autism that smoke cannabis and they'd mellow out,  there are people with autism that smoke cannabis and they'd become more artistic,  and there are people with autism that smoke cannabis and become aggressive.  These are all personality traits rather than autism.

    I suggest that autism 'might' be the cause of his early social difficulties,  but him manipulating and his parasitic lifestyle are not symptoms of a person with autism,  whether using strong cannabis or otherwise. 

    The thing is though,  that in order to manipulate someone effectively,  you have to have a high amount of cognitive empathy,  and that's something that autistic people lack.  The ability to manipulate to the degree that you explain your friends son does, pretty much rules out autism. 

    If you'd like to,   go through this list of red flags and see how many you can tick for your friends son  (ignore the word psychopath,  I know it's a difficult word to consider).  But the list will be really useful in seeing if he does possibly have ASPD instead of autism, because as mentioned previously,  some of the symptoms of PDs could be mistaken for the symptoms of autism, and they really are worlds apart.

    Some of the red flags are mostly applicable to relationship partners,  but the rest should give you a good indicator of what he is or isn't.

    www.psychopathfree.com/.../

  • ASPD is possible from what you say and subsequent googling.

    He does lie and is manipulative. He was not good at making friendships at school and was bullied. His beahviour is said ot have changed at 15 when he started using dope. I don't know if it's been the strong 'Skunk' type all along. His mother says some point after the MMR he stopped responding as he had regarding naughty behaviour, but I suppose that many kids do, testing their own will. Apparently he stuck his leg out and tripped over a boy for no reason at one point.

    Yes, he blames others for his situation, mostly his mother despite her dysfuntional level of generosity and patience, and he obscures his own bullying, is in denial about it rather. There is an aexaggerated adoelscant sort of tone to how he speaks, presumably because he's found it still works as far as extracting money goes. His mother questions herself and her behaviour and whether she deserves some blame but it seems very unlikely. I can see vividly how successfully se's been bullied. She is sometimes like a battered housewife who speaks as if she had deserved a beating. The son successfully instils guilt.

    I think somewhere along the line he is lonely and wants his mum in his life - he had stayed at her flat at times and bemoaned that she didn't have dinners with him as she does sometimes with me, though this is because of his extreme rudeness - but he has just ruined things and doesn't act appropriately. Despite the possibility of ASPD being what he 'has', the possibility of his condition being what strong marijuana makes of autism still seems believable.

    I think if his tenuous accommodation situation leads to homelessness then he could be talked into having an assesment as that might benefit his being given social housing.

    Further thoughts are very welcome.

  • It's not dead, just with a topic like this one,  you'll probably need to wait a while until someone with the right knowledge wanders across your post,  it's not the typical post of 'hi all,  I'm newly diagnosed' etc.

    The MMR jab idea is a controversial one so I won't touch on that,  but I'd like to ask you to describe your friends sons behaviour please.

    Does he have any typical autistic behaviours at all? 

    I have a special interest in psychology and especially in the realm of personality disorders, and sometimes people can mistake symptoms of a personality disorder for autism. 

    Is your friends son social and manipulative?  Can he make friends and charm people easily?   ie; inside the home he's a monster but outside the home he could charm his way through almost anything if he wanted something from someone?

    Does he ever take responsibilty for anything or does he deflect it back on to other people and they end up feeling like it's their fault?

    I'm not saying that he has a personality disorder, but it's worth looking into,  most especially ASPD or NPD.  The behaviour you describe is not generally associated with autism (not without comorbidity anyway).

    How was he as a child?   any social issues with making friends or were there social issues but they were caused by him being horrible to others?

    With regards to getting an assessment done, it's not possible unfortunately unless he agrees to have one done.  Because he's an adult, to assess him without his permission isn't something that's possible unless he enters a mental health facility or a prison environment for some reason.

    Ps, mods,  I hope my post is okay, I'm unsure of the site stance on making possible diagnosis suggestions.

  • Is this forum dead? I'm really surprised to hear nothing. This has been a really serious week. Even something about how to instigate an assessment. Thanks.