So.....received my Aspergers diagnosis today

I totally understand the reason why your focus is missing, I was exactly the same post-diagnosis. For a few weeks after my diagnosis I lost all my drive, focus and energy; everything that once made sense just confused me and I couldn't get my head around anything. All my little coping mechanisms were failing and unfortunately I had to go through a particularly difficult time where I just had to let time to it's thing and pray that my brain reset itself. Luckily it did and now that fog around my mind has thankfully passed; I am largely back to my normal self...save the occasional meltdown when things become all too much again.

I think you will start to, or will eventually, find that having your diagnosis will be a blessing in disguise. It might start to explain (at least to yourself) why you are the way you are or why you see things the way you do. Some of that pressure you feel might be allievated as although you will still have a requirement to conform you will quietly be able to think "I now know that I am conforming and I now know why". I think you will find that once you are in a better place with your diagnosis you will find that you are much more at ease with yourself and that you will be a bit kinder to yourself too. You just need that time to re-adjust and accept. In some ways it's like a mourning process; you are currently mourning your old life (even though nothing has changed inherently) and you now have to come to accept this new life that has been thrust upon you. This may not make any sense to you but I hope it does as it might give you some light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm sorry you felt you had to 'run the gauntlet' but again I know what you mean. That situation would be tough for anyone with HFA, let alone someone who had just received a diagnosis they were yet to fully process. Post-diagnosis I was rageful and just felt this internal pressure building; I was just waiting for someone to push the wrong button and I think I might have comitted murder! That feeling has passed thankfully!!

I hope your weekend was a calm one and that having the BH gave you a little extra breathing space to think things over and understand a bit more. I was doing pretty good up until Sunday night when I had a catasthrophic meltdown around my ingrained belief that I am not a good human being...sometimes time to think can be a bad thing for me. I need to get a little chalkboard for my kitchen saying "Days Since Last Meltdown"

I totally understand the reason why your focus is missing, I was exactly the same post-diagnosis. For a few weeks after my diagnosis I lost all my drive, focus and energy; everything that once made sense just confused me and I couldn't get my head around anything. All my little coping mechanisms were failing and unfortunately I had to go through a particularly difficult time where I just had to let time to it's thing and pray that my brain reset itself. Luckily it did and now that fog around my mind has thankfully passed; I am largely back to my normal self...save the occasional meltdown when things become all too much again.

I think you will start to, or will eventually, find that having your diagnosis will be a blessing in disguise. It might start to explain (at least to yourself) why you are the way you are or why you see things the way you do. Some of that pressure you feel might be allievated as although you will still have a requirement to conform you will quietly be able to think "I now know that I am conforming and I now know why". I think you will find that once you are in a better place with your diagnosis you will find that you are much more at ease with yourself and that you will be a bit kinder to yourself too. You just need that time to re-adjust and accept. In some ways it's like a mourning process; you are currently mourning your old life (even though nothing has changed inherently) and you now have to come to accept this new life that has been thrust upon you. This may not make any sense to you but I hope it does as it might give you some light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm sorry you felt you had to 'run the gauntlet' but again I know what you mean. That situation would be tough for anyone with HFA, let alone someone who had just received a diagnosis they were yet to fully process. Post-diagnosis I was rageful and just felt this internal pressure building; I was just waiting for someone to push the wrong button and I think I might have comitted murder! That feeling has passed thankfully!!

I hope your weekend was a calm one and that having the BH gave you a little extra breathing space to think things over and understand a bit more. I was doing pretty good up until Sunday night when I had a catasthrophic meltdown around my ingrained belief that I am not a good human being...sometimes time to think can be a bad thing for me. I need to get a little chalkboard for my kitchen saying "Days Since Last Meltdown"