So.....received my Aspergers diagnosis today

Hi Felix

I'm glad some of what I said resonated with you, I'd hate to think I was just waffling!

Yes...I totally understand the Brave New World feeling and that's a fab way of describing it. For me it was almost like waking up the next day with a fresh pair of eyes; I was seeing things that I had seen for 31 years but in a whole new light and with a totally new mind-set. The numbness will pass, how long it will take for you I cannot say, but I assure you that as you process the diagnosis and adjust to it the numbness you feel now will pass. After my diagnosis I could not imagine it ever going away but it did and it will for you eventually.

In reference to your decision not to tell too many people, I personally think this is very wise. How can you hope to explain something to other people when you don’t fully understand it yourself? The only people I told when I was first diagnosed was my husband, my mum and my dad…that’s it. It’s an intensely personal piece of news to receive and until you have had to reconcile yourself to it I think it’s wise for you to keep it to yourself…more for your own benefit than anything else. I have eventually told a few more people; a couple of close friends know and I have told my manager at work who has been exceedingly supportive. Telling my employer was terrifying as I really wasn’t sure how they would take it, however I have found that telling them has been beneficial for me and has allowed my employer to put things in pace to support me (i.e.; I work from home two days a week to help with my sensitivity to the high noise levels in the office etc.) This may be something you wish to consider in the future, but not right now J

In reference to your coping mechanisms I will say to you what my psychiatrist said to me…”How can I break down anything you have in place now because what will I replace it with? What will be left of you and your walls if I tear them down? Utter chaos.” I think this is a very big thing to consider and it sounds like you’re acutely mindful of it already. I don’t know the full extent of your diagnosis so can only go on my experience so bear with me on this one…

Part of my HFA diagnosis saw my psychiatrist identify that over the years I have developed my own set of coping strategies for handling my ‘disability’ (I hate calling it that but for want of a better word…) I have my own little mechanisms for coping with the world, situations and people, and these work for me very very well. I have external coping mechanisms and I have internal coping mechanisms, and these have gotten me through life thus far with no major hiccups. HOWEVER, as my psychiatrist has said, she would be a very foolish person to come along and try to change these mechanisms because as she put it, what would she replace them with? What works as a coping strategy for an NT won’t work for me, and to try make it work for me would result in complete chaos, destructive behaviour and probably a mental breakdown! What she is doing instead is showing me new ways of looking at things and giving me a new perspective on the world. As a specific example; because I fail to empathise with people and can’t understand emotion for the last 31 years I have convinced myself that I am a bad/evil person…that there is something fundamentally wrong with me. I would describe myself as black inside, that I have no soul and I must be a terrible person because I can’t understand emotion in others. This has become very destructive for me and it has a profound effect on my mental state; I have convinced myself that I am truly evil and that I am wholly undeserving of the positive attentions of other people. To cope with this I have thrown myself into voluntary work and I donate some of my monthly wage to charity because, in my eyes, evil people don’t do that…only good people volunteer and donate money. However, my psychiatrist is now trying to change this way of thinking to get me to understand that just because I can’t empathise doesn’t mean I am an evil person, I am just different, I see things differently and have other strengths/actions that demonstrate that I am not evil. I won’t go into all the things she is doing for me as it’ll just bore you, but what I am trying to say here is that she isn’t touching my coping mechanisms, she is merely trying to alter my perspective of things so that I stop crucifying myself. I feel like maybe I have flown off on a tangent here but in a round about way I’m trying to say that the mechanisms you have in place now will most likely keep serving you until your last day, they’ve gotten you this far and I think you’re wise to not abandon them so lightly following your diagnosis. However, maybe a having a new perspective will give you further mechanisms that will enhance the ones you already have?

Wow, I am sorry Felix I have rattled on here, but I want you to know that everything you have said makes complete sense to me. Diagnosis was described to me like being born again…you’ve been warm and safe for all these years and then BAM…dropped into the world cold, screaming and naked…welcome to your new life, now deal with it. But I assure you that the numbness will pass, your brain will make sense of everything and you will return to being something like your old self but better in many respects. You’ll have a keener understanding of yourself, you will recognise your strengths/weaknesses faster and play to them for your benefit, you’ll feel different but you’ll be okay with it. Keep chatting on here, I found it really helps as most people here understand your issue and will offer some advice or their own side of things. Jxx

Hi Felix

I'm glad some of what I said resonated with you, I'd hate to think I was just waffling!

Yes...I totally understand the Brave New World feeling and that's a fab way of describing it. For me it was almost like waking up the next day with a fresh pair of eyes; I was seeing things that I had seen for 31 years but in a whole new light and with a totally new mind-set. The numbness will pass, how long it will take for you I cannot say, but I assure you that as you process the diagnosis and adjust to it the numbness you feel now will pass. After my diagnosis I could not imagine it ever going away but it did and it will for you eventually.

In reference to your decision not to tell too many people, I personally think this is very wise. How can you hope to explain something to other people when you don’t fully understand it yourself? The only people I told when I was first diagnosed was my husband, my mum and my dad…that’s it. It’s an intensely personal piece of news to receive and until you have had to reconcile yourself to it I think it’s wise for you to keep it to yourself…more for your own benefit than anything else. I have eventually told a few more people; a couple of close friends know and I have told my manager at work who has been exceedingly supportive. Telling my employer was terrifying as I really wasn’t sure how they would take it, however I have found that telling them has been beneficial for me and has allowed my employer to put things in pace to support me (i.e.; I work from home two days a week to help with my sensitivity to the high noise levels in the office etc.) This may be something you wish to consider in the future, but not right now J

In reference to your coping mechanisms I will say to you what my psychiatrist said to me…”How can I break down anything you have in place now because what will I replace it with? What will be left of you and your walls if I tear them down? Utter chaos.” I think this is a very big thing to consider and it sounds like you’re acutely mindful of it already. I don’t know the full extent of your diagnosis so can only go on my experience so bear with me on this one…

Part of my HFA diagnosis saw my psychiatrist identify that over the years I have developed my own set of coping strategies for handling my ‘disability’ (I hate calling it that but for want of a better word…) I have my own little mechanisms for coping with the world, situations and people, and these work for me very very well. I have external coping mechanisms and I have internal coping mechanisms, and these have gotten me through life thus far with no major hiccups. HOWEVER, as my psychiatrist has said, she would be a very foolish person to come along and try to change these mechanisms because as she put it, what would she replace them with? What works as a coping strategy for an NT won’t work for me, and to try make it work for me would result in complete chaos, destructive behaviour and probably a mental breakdown! What she is doing instead is showing me new ways of looking at things and giving me a new perspective on the world. As a specific example; because I fail to empathise with people and can’t understand emotion for the last 31 years I have convinced myself that I am a bad/evil person…that there is something fundamentally wrong with me. I would describe myself as black inside, that I have no soul and I must be a terrible person because I can’t understand emotion in others. This has become very destructive for me and it has a profound effect on my mental state; I have convinced myself that I am truly evil and that I am wholly undeserving of the positive attentions of other people. To cope with this I have thrown myself into voluntary work and I donate some of my monthly wage to charity because, in my eyes, evil people don’t do that…only good people volunteer and donate money. However, my psychiatrist is now trying to change this way of thinking to get me to understand that just because I can’t empathise doesn’t mean I am an evil person, I am just different, I see things differently and have other strengths/actions that demonstrate that I am not evil. I won’t go into all the things she is doing for me as it’ll just bore you, but what I am trying to say here is that she isn’t touching my coping mechanisms, she is merely trying to alter my perspective of things so that I stop crucifying myself. I feel like maybe I have flown off on a tangent here but in a round about way I’m trying to say that the mechanisms you have in place now will most likely keep serving you until your last day, they’ve gotten you this far and I think you’re wise to not abandon them so lightly following your diagnosis. However, maybe a having a new perspective will give you further mechanisms that will enhance the ones you already have?

Wow, I am sorry Felix I have rattled on here, but I want you to know that everything you have said makes complete sense to me. Diagnosis was described to me like being born again…you’ve been warm and safe for all these years and then BAM…dropped into the world cold, screaming and naked…welcome to your new life, now deal with it. But I assure you that the numbness will pass, your brain will make sense of everything and you will return to being something like your old self but better in many respects. You’ll have a keener understanding of yourself, you will recognise your strengths/weaknesses faster and play to them for your benefit, you’ll feel different but you’ll be okay with it. Keep chatting on here, I found it really helps as most people here understand your issue and will offer some advice or their own side of things. Jxx