I am feeling a bit lost and quite frankly seriously depressed by my life at the moment. I have been refered by the doctor for an assessment for Autism (asd), but feel like I am waiting forever, heard nothing about an appointment time as of yet. I am very low in moods, spend most of my time in bed with depression. No interest in anything, don't care about anything. I feel so hopeless at the moment.
My CBT therapist left after only 4 sessions with me, I had to wait another month and a half before getting a new one - but at this point I was so bad I was refered back to my crisis team. I was suicidal and very much struggling. I called the samaritans, the crisis team, my therapist... all who seemed either unsure or uncaring enough to help or support me.
I have struggled with anxiety and depression most of my life and have done lots of research into ASD - having had a very big light bulb moment. I truly think this is what the underlining problem is and I truly hope I get an answer soon so that I can get the help needed and focus on something rather than grasping at straws and 'trial and error' by the 'professionals' around. I feel like I am just going through the motions and being passed around, but not achieving anything.
I have been refused for PIP, under the belief that my assessor thought that although I was anxious at the assessment at my home, I was capable of working. Everything I had put/said she had dismissed and scored me a 0 overall - which was very disheartening and made me feel worse.
My step father is reluctant to believe there is anything wrong and that I should just get on with life. My partner thinks it is his fault, that I become unhappy since moving in with him - despite all I tell him and that I have been like I am all my life. Positive support is good but I feel that reaching out to people can bring the negative sort of attention too. I want to feel better, supported, and not guilty for trying to show my struggles or ask for help, because others do not understand.
It getting to the point where I am not even sure who I am anymore. Not even sure I may have ASD, or if I am just trying to convince myself when really I am nothing but a bad person who can't cope with modern living. I just lay in bed, dont look after myself, dont clean or do things I usually enjoy. I am so fed up. I just want to bury myself and just not be here anymore. I feel so lost as to what to do or who to turn to. My life is so pointless and stressful. I just can't cope.
