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What will my child's life be?

Porgie

Please let me say, I hope nobody is offended by the title of this! 

I'm writing this with regards to my 3, nearly 4 year old son. He's attended a new nursery the last 8 months, a very good one who immediately picked up on the differences between him and others his age. In my heart I've always been worried. They think he has a type of social autism, sensory processing disorder and is also showing in the last 3 months to have tics.

my son takes everything literally. It's like he cannot process things logically. He struggles to concentrate on a task for more than 2 minutes at nursery and struggles to interact in a group of more than 3 children, including himself. They say he headbuts things in upset. But he is never aggressive, in fact he's the opposite, he's a lovely gentle little boy who always initiates play and conversation but struggles to maintain it. He's so desperate for friends it breaks my heart

At home he is completely different. He concentrates on things with me, reading, writing, puzzles for over half an hour. I've never seen him headbut anything! He's very clever And the nursery have noted this, by that I mean at 2 he could spell his own name and count to 40.The ticks started about two months ago, blinking, making various noises such as snorting and squeaking. He's been referred to a paediatrician but an appointment could take up to 7 months. His speech and language therapist says he's more or less where he should be and is peefectly fine for about 15 minutes of exercises then gets bored and doesn't want to play as well anymore! 

Growing I become was paranoid and self conscious that I was defensive to everybody. I still am extremely awkward in social environments and always feel paranoid. So maybe I'm thinking more of my own childhood when I say that my biggest fear is: What will my sons life be like as he grows up? 

I mean no disrespect to anybody but kids are so cruel and I'm so scared. I don't know anybody with aspergers or a social autism to ask. I'm feeling overwhelmed with thoughts and panic for him and its consuming my everyday life. they have told me they can teach him ways to be more sociable and to help him understand but I'm scared they won't? Will everuone instantly know he's not the same as others? Will he be ok to get a job, live on his own? It sounds so silly. I'm not scared of him being different, I love him unconditionally, but I'm terrified of others and how he will be treated! It's consuming me and taking away my focus on getting him diagnosed. Please can anybody help me? Would appreciate anything! Xx

 

  • Hi Porgie. I'll answer as if your son is AS, I am an older AS person, and have a 'different' life to look back on, so I speak from experience, both good and bad!

    If your child is AS, then he will be different, people will pick up on that difference, and he will have a hard time occasionally because of it. It will be very much a part of your parenting to help him to cope with that, to help him understand himself, and to help him to recognise his talents as well as his detriments. That's the reality as it stands.

    To balance this, please don't start with the 'my child is incredibly intelligent' stuff or you will lead both of you up a blind alley. There are quite a few of us on here with high IQs, but this doesn't mean that we are any more 'functional' or 'capable' than anyone else. Yes, we can score very well in certain tests, but put us in a hostile environment and we can crumble before your very eyes. By 'hostile', I mean any environment that gives us a sensory overload - it could be we simply don't understand what's going on, noise, light, people, comments, treatment by others, clothes - there's a multitude of possibilities but you won't know untill the signs start to show that he isn't enjoying himself and is heading towards 'meltdown'. He might not either, but you can learn coping strategies that work as you learn where his sensitivities lie.

    Take your time to browse this website and some of the excellent advice that is available. Also, trawl through some of the threads (I know this is time consuming but you might find something highly relevant) and read the sort of things we talk about.

    You have a very special child and he has a unique mix of talents and sensitivities. It is a long way from being all 'doom and gloom'. We are here to offer our help, support, opinions and advice, but please understand that there will be a range of these things because we are no less capable than anyone else of expressing ourselves and our own views.

    We have careers, like anyone, we have qualifications that many aspire to, like anyone, and we have love, families and a place in the world, just like anyone. Our difference can be attractive, helpful, useful and very satisfying, and you will find that once you understand some of these things that you will actually take pride in him and his achievements. You look to me like a very loving and sensitive parent so I'll say now that you're starting from the right place. There's absolutely nothing to be scared of, you just have to learn your child from a new perspective, and once you do your reward as a parent will be so much greater.

    I could go on forever, but I should stop now. I'll just say welcome to the family, and we're always here to help if we can. Merry Christmas!