Emotions or lack of them

Judging by things I've read on the subject (of AS/ASD), it is common, perhaps even typical, for people to have difficulty with empathy, and (by my logic) to be rather emotionless. I imagine the stereotypical view of people with AS/ASD to be one of a Mr Spock type, cold, ultra-logical character.

I have difficulty with this idea. I actually hope it is false. I have always felt more emotional than what I imagine to be average. I cry very easily. I am deeply moved by tragedy and by beauty. I am nearly 56 and I haven't changed in this respect as far back as I can remember. When I was 2 or 3, I would always cry at the song 'Oh my darling Clementine' (I heard it quite often as one of the characters on Deputy Dawg used to sing it - one of my favourite cartoons when I lived in America until age 3). What I found so tragic was the line: '...now she's lost and gone forever...'. I remember thinking about the meaning of those words and the FEELING of the meaning of forever opening up. Forever. For Ever. Another song that made me feel unbearably sad at around the same age was Molly Malone, though I can't remember in what context I heard it.

These are sad songs, they're meant to be sad. Now that I am seeking a diagnosis (I believe that I have AS for a large number of reasons), I am wondering whether my acute emotional sensitivity (this is actually an excellent way of describing what I mean) is grossly atypical to the point of being contra-indicatory? Shouldn't a person with AS feel nothing at such sentimental stuff?

I am and always have been very sentimental. But I have a feeling I may not show this, and that anybody other than the very few people who know me really well, might find me saying this about myself surprising. What I do show readily, emotion-wise, is anger. Anyone who knows me at all will not be surprised at this. I find it hard to conceal my anger at injustice and wrongness in general. I don't act with any violence, but I do speak with anger. But I never cry in public (I devoted many years, at school, to perfecting the art of appearing unmoved when inside, I was on the verge of bursting into tears).

I consider myself to be extremely empathic. I feel the anguish of children in war zones, or refugees fleeing over the Mediterranean and losing partnmers or parents or children on the journey. I feel terribly sad at the suffering of animals in zoos or slaughterhouses, or at the hands of anybody cruel. I hate the destruction of nature and beauty, both of which are - and always have been - very important to me. I feel rage about wildernesses being ruined, at the general short-sightedness and lack of vision of those in control of what happens on this Earth.

I'm in danger of losing the thread here, so I'll wind this up. What I'm wondering about is whether anybody recognises anything in what I've said, or whether people think what I've said indicates neuro-typical rather than AS traits? In short, are we 'supposed' to be unemotional?

longman over 10 years ago

Also bear in mind that we may not show what we feel. Appropriate facial expression, or very inflexible facial expression (including dead pan or sad) is a common issue. This may be due to lack of practice in regular social interchanges, as well as actual difficulties recognising and generating facial expressions.
A lot of statements about lack of empathy are based on odd reactions - not some incisive reading of our minds.
Speaking personally, while I cannot see what's going on, I seem to get into trouble for smiling when I should be serious or not appearing to be paying attention when something serious is being discussed.
And certainly it is widely reported that people with autism appeared to smile or smirk when told sad news.
It might well be that is is difficulty with facial expression that is misread as lack of empathy.
Former Member over 10 years ago

missdmeena said:
He will cry easily when moved by something, gets seriously angry over injustices and has a great deal of empathy when appropriate to him, which according to the "lists" should not fit the bill of ASD.
Having ASD does not mean you have a lack of feeling (sympathy), it means you aren't any good at working out what feelings you should be sympathising with (empathy), Someone without sympathy is a psychopath. Someone who struggles to work out what another persons feelings are lacks empathy (autism).
Technophobe23 over 10 years ago

Thanks very much Missdemena (good name). I think this is exactly what happens - the depth of feeling I often experience often is overwhelming. Certianly not for public display. I keep a tight lid on it and have learned to accomplish this very well, over the years. Some things cut through it though, eg: death. I readily express genuine sadness whenever someone I'm talking to tells me somebody close to them has died. But that's by my standards - to them, they probably see my reaction as no more than normal.
Another difference in perception is with smiling. I hardly smile unless I'm extremely pleased about something, but I do think I'm smiling when in fact I'm not (or at least, there are no outward signs of me smiling, which I reckon is the same as not!)
missdmeena over 10 years ago

Hi
Your post reminds me of my partner, who has an AS diagnosis.
He will cry easily when moved by something, gets seriously angry over injustices and has a great deal of empathy when appropriate to him, which according to the "lists" should not fit the bill of ASD. However, in his case, and I suspect in yours too, he has such depth of feeling it can often overwhelm him - the opposite end of the spectrum.
I'm NT and tend not to respond in the same manner to things we agree about, which can make him wonder if I'm the one without feeling and he can get quite cross at my lack of visible emotion!
Good luck with getting your diagnosis and I hope the process doesn't take too long.
Technophobe23 over 10 years ago

Thanks. It's good to be understood!
Former Member over 10 years ago

Your may well have a lack of ability in recognising emotions - detecting but perhaps not reacting proportionally to extreme anger perhaps suggests that you can detect the extremes but not the subleties that non-autistics weave into their social interactions.
This doesn't mean that you can't feel emotions but you analyse and work out people's circumstances from other methods rather than from looking at people's faces and body language.
This is entirely consistent with autism. We aren't emotionless but we do struggle with expressing it and detecting it in other people.
Technophobe23 over 10 years ago

Anger is an emotion I detect very easily in other people. Even when it isn't there, maybe! But if I ever see somebody who is really angry - I mean hatefully angry - I can spot that a mile off, and it makes me instantly very anxious. I start looking for pieces of wodd or whatever that I could use as weapons if necessary. It's weird because I never have been attacked but I always fear I'm going to be (if I encounter anyone with real anger on their face).
I suppose anger is the only emotion to be worried about there and then. Other emotions give one time for thought. If a stranger smiles for no apparent reason, I'll pause to wonder why, or whether it is actually me he/she is smiling at. With anger, instant readiness is necessary.
Former Member over 10 years ago

I suspect that you do feel sympathy for children in war zones but struggle with empathy i.e. the ability to detect the emotions of the people that you meet face to face. You aren't alone in struggling to differentiate between the two concepts.