Why Get Diagnosed?

I meant mild as in, I don't have any learning difficulties. Perhaps the correct term is high-functioning? 

I know anxiety is common with autism- it's logical because autism causes you to get overwhelmed which leads to anxiety, so it'd be difficult to have autism without anxiety, I think? But it is possible to have anxiety without autism. 

I personally didn't find the questionaire difficult- only in the way that (as you said) some of the questions were slightly unclear, and I had to guess or ask boyfriend whether this counts as that. If I was being assessed by a person it wouldn't matter because I could just have them clarify. I don't have any problem being honest with / about myself. I don't feel awkward or embarassed about that kind of thing. I probably identify more with the male picture of autism tbh- from the little I've read about the female version, there's a lot of pre-planning and focus on learning to blend in, and covering mistakes. It is more logical, but I was always too high-strung for that- if anything went wrong I'd get too upset. 

The list of things that make me think I may be is too long- I can't even remember all of them. I've seen a few videos / read a few descriptions and I just seem to spend an awful lot of them going "that sounds familiar...!" 

Here's just a few of the kind of things I mean-

* I get really upset if boyfriend is late. I mean... REALLY unreasonably upset. If he's 10 minutes late it can cause a 3 day argument. Even if I'm trying to behave, it still bothers me enough that I'm all snappy with him. It is not good for my relationship. 

* I don't empathise well. A lot of people say autistics do empathise, so this may mean I'm something other than autistic, but it's what people comment on the most- I completely lack understanding of things I haven't experienced and which don't seem logical to me, like depression, or getting upset because somebody famous died. 

* I don't tell lies. Not ever. Not even the ones you're supposed to tell. I don't care about the morality that much- I just find it exhausting. I also have a lack of boundries- I'm not completely unaware of them, but I'm uncertain about when it's ok to cross certain lines, and often just don't care enough. 

* I don't really like to be touched- sexually or otherwise. Nobody ever abused me and I'm pretty sure I'm not supressing anything. I don't get screaming upset about it- I just don't get anything out of it and generally find it irritating.

* I have to know exactly what I'm doing before I can enjoy anything. I like video games, but I mostly only play 2, because I have to read the entire game wiki / notes, or I'll feel like I'm doing it suboptimally and get increasingly aggravated. Other people play dozens of different games and just jump in and play! I've tried doing that and it felt horrible. 

* I'm an insufferable smartass. 

* I have a very limited range of interests at any given time- my interests change slightly over years, but it'll usually just be one or two main things, and I'm very resistant to getting involved in new things if I don't feel I'm done with the old thing- having too many going at once is too tiring. 

* I don't. like. change. When I was a kid, my main aspiration in life was to be a teacher at my primary school, and earn enough money to buy the first house we lived in, because I just wanted things to go back to how they started. 

* I literally have no idea whether people like me most of the time. It's because of manners- I can't tell between someone being polite and being genuine. It's a constant annoyance. It frustrates me that people can't just be honest. When I was younger I was quite sexually promiscuous because it was an easy way to get people to like me, without having to go through complex social rituals. 

* I have a sense of humour, kind of, but it's about 10% of what most people find funny- even though it's been explained to me and I now understand it academically, my first reaction to someone hurting themselves isn't to laugh. 

But. On the other hand I can be empathic- if someone I like is upset I do go to hug them, and I want to, and I don't find that uncomfortable. I like the company of other people for at least part of the day- I can amuse myself happily for several hours, but I do get lonely. I want to make deep connections with people, and I have no problem sharing, or understanding what I'm feeling. I'm extremely logical and I can usually reason things out very well, but not always control them- i.e. I could tell you EXACTLY why I'm anxious, but not stop it. I'm not particularly prone to complete public melt downs- even right after unpleasant medical tests where I'm shaking uncontrollably and my pulse is through the roof I'm still able to talk normally to nurses- I don't shut down. Actually the only full on "melt down" I've had in ages was over laundry... go figure. I get upset about the most ridiculous things sometimes. 

I meant mild as in, I don't have any learning difficulties. Perhaps the correct term is high-functioning? 

I know anxiety is common with autism- it's logical because autism causes you to get overwhelmed which leads to anxiety, so it'd be difficult to have autism without anxiety, I think? But it is possible to have anxiety without autism. 

I personally didn't find the questionaire difficult- only in the way that (as you said) some of the questions were slightly unclear, and I had to guess or ask boyfriend whether this counts as that. If I was being assessed by a person it wouldn't matter because I could just have them clarify. I don't have any problem being honest with / about myself. I don't feel awkward or embarassed about that kind of thing. I probably identify more with the male picture of autism tbh- from the little I've read about the female version, there's a lot of pre-planning and focus on learning to blend in, and covering mistakes. It is more logical, but I was always too high-strung for that- if anything went wrong I'd get too upset. 

The list of things that make me think I may be is too long- I can't even remember all of them. I've seen a few videos / read a few descriptions and I just seem to spend an awful lot of them going "that sounds familiar...!" 

Here's just a few of the kind of things I mean-

* I get really upset if boyfriend is late. I mean... REALLY unreasonably upset. If he's 10 minutes late it can cause a 3 day argument. Even if I'm trying to behave, it still bothers me enough that I'm all snappy with him. It is not good for my relationship. 

* I don't empathise well. A lot of people say autistics do empathise, so this may mean I'm something other than autistic, but it's what people comment on the most- I completely lack understanding of things I haven't experienced and which don't seem logical to me, like depression, or getting upset because somebody famous died. 

* I don't tell lies. Not ever. Not even the ones you're supposed to tell. I don't care about the morality that much- I just find it exhausting. I also have a lack of boundries- I'm not completely unaware of them, but I'm uncertain about when it's ok to cross certain lines, and often just don't care enough. 

* I don't really like to be touched- sexually or otherwise. Nobody ever abused me and I'm pretty sure I'm not supressing anything. I don't get screaming upset about it- I just don't get anything out of it and generally find it irritating.

* I have to know exactly what I'm doing before I can enjoy anything. I like video games, but I mostly only play 2, because I have to read the entire game wiki / notes, or I'll feel like I'm doing it suboptimally and get increasingly aggravated. Other people play dozens of different games and just jump in and play! I've tried doing that and it felt horrible. 

* I'm an insufferable smartass. 

* I have a very limited range of interests at any given time- my interests change slightly over years, but it'll usually just be one or two main things, and I'm very resistant to getting involved in new things if I don't feel I'm done with the old thing- having too many going at once is too tiring. 

* I don't. like. change. When I was a kid, my main aspiration in life was to be a teacher at my primary school, and earn enough money to buy the first house we lived in, because I just wanted things to go back to how they started. 

* I literally have no idea whether people like me most of the time. It's because of manners- I can't tell between someone being polite and being genuine. It's a constant annoyance. It frustrates me that people can't just be honest. When I was younger I was quite sexually promiscuous because it was an easy way to get people to like me, without having to go through complex social rituals. 

* I have a sense of humour, kind of, but it's about 10% of what most people find funny- even though it's been explained to me and I now understand it academically, my first reaction to someone hurting themselves isn't to laugh. 

But. On the other hand I can be empathic- if someone I like is upset I do go to hug them, and I want to, and I don't find that uncomfortable. I like the company of other people for at least part of the day- I can amuse myself happily for several hours, but I do get lonely. I want to make deep connections with people, and I have no problem sharing, or understanding what I'm feeling. I'm extremely logical and I can usually reason things out very well, but not always control them- i.e. I could tell you EXACTLY why I'm anxious, but not stop it. I'm not particularly prone to complete public melt downs- even right after unpleasant medical tests where I'm shaking uncontrollably and my pulse is through the roof I'm still able to talk normally to nurses- I don't shut down. Actually the only full on "melt down" I've had in ages was over laundry... go figure. I get upset about the most ridiculous things sometimes.