I'm a 43yr old woman. I've suffered from depression and other associated mental health issues most of my life. I finally got assessed last week and was told that I was on the spectrum.
I thought I would feel relieved. My whole life I've been confused by social interaction, and told by everyone that I just needed to try harder to be social. I was resigned to being socially awkward, and now I know, at least, that there's a reason behind it, and thought maybe I could cut myself a break now. I think, very probably, that it's been the cause of my depression too. I don't really know anything about Asperger's but it seems to make sense.
I don't really have much social interaction. I have a dog and I have to talk to other dog walkers every day but only briefly. I work at home and don't go out otherwise. I have two friends that I usually speak to on the phone once a week. Otherwise I have friends online that I write to.
This last week though, I find myself analysing everything I'm saying. I realised that 80% of my conversation to my friends is me not understanding an aspect of human behaviour or them having to explain stuff to me. It's making me really self conscious.
I haven't been able to bring myself to tell my family yet. They live far away, and I feel like they won't be supportive anyway.
I thought getting diagnosed would help but right now I feel even more isolated. I don't want to talk to anyone. I really hoped this would make things better, but I don't know how to make that happen.
